Page 75 of Bean
“And you think this is appropriate to discuss with our guest, why?” Nash repeated patiently.
“Hey, I’m not the one who started it. I was responding to what Bean said,” Tameron defended himself.
“Actually, you did start it,” I fired back, making sure to look at him. “You’re the one who called him top.”
All heads turned my way, all displaying equal looks of astonishment. Why were they so…? Oh.
“You remember,” Tameron said softly, utterly serious now. “You actually remember what I said a few minutes ago. That’s amazing, Bean.”
Nash patted my hand. “That’s a massive step in the right direction. I’m so happy for you.”
He was right. It was. An overwhelming sense of gratitude and joy filled me, followed by a wave of emotion so strong it brought tears to my eyes. I shoved my chair back. “Excuse me. I need a moment.”
But before I could leave, Nash grabbed my wrist. “Don’t walk away, Bean. Please. Allow us to see that part of you too.”
Crying in front of other men went against every instinct I had, everything I’d been raised with. Men didn’t cry to begin unless someone had actually died, and if they did, it was done in private so no one else would see. My urge to flee to my room was so strong that my body was taut with it, but the sincerity on Nash’s face gave me the strength to stay.
“I’m not used to…” I waved vaguely.
“We know,” Nash said. “No need to explain. Just let us share this moment with you, okay? We’ve been there for the valleys, so allow us to celebrate the mountain tops as well.”
I nodded, too overcome to speak.
“There he goes again, talking about tops. The man is obsessed,” Tameron said, bringing instant laughter. He might be the clown, the joker, but he could diffuse an emotional situation like no one else.
Under the table, Jarek took my hand, and I leaned into him a little. Oh, why was I even bothering? It wasn’t like I had to hide anything. So I let myself sink sideways and put my head on his shoulder.
Nash was right. Jarek was so much more than a friend.
“They’re amazing,” Jarek said softly. We were lying on my bed on our sides, facing each other, and he was playing with my hair.
“They’re a pain in the butt.”
“Brothers are supposed to be.”
“The ribbing and teasing didn’t bother you?”
Jarek chuckled. “Not even a little bit. I love how Nash is kind of like the Daddy of your group.”
I thought of what Nash had told me about needing to feel like he had a purpose, about deriving satisfaction from taking care of us. Wasn’t it interesting how I remembered that without needing to look at my notes? My brain made little sense in what it chose to store or forget—though, in some cases, I was all too happy not to remember, like that phone call with my mother on her birthday. My guess was that it hadn’t been pretty, and I was more than fine with not knowing the details.
“I hope he finds someone,” I said.
“Nash?”
I nodded.
“Is he dating?”
“I honestly don’t know. As close as we are, Nash shares little about his personal life. He’s gone for hours sometimes, and none of us know where he is. Probably because we’d tease him mercilessly.”
“Like I said, brothers.” He brushed my cheek with his finger, and I all but melted into him.
“I’m glad you got to meet them.”
“Me too. They’re such an important part of your life.”
Should I tell him they all thought he was my boyfriend? Should I raise the topic I wanted to discuss so badly but didn’t know how? But what if Jarek said no? What if I had misinterpreted everything, and he really wanted nothing more than friendship? I didn’t want to risk losing what we had, even if it wasn’t enough long-term.