Page 24 of Never Enough

So, naturally, I ask, “Will you make me dinner sometime?”

Alex’s cheeks redden. “I told you I don’t cook anymore, but I could borrow my parents’ chef if you want a meal.”

He doesn’t get it. It’s not the meals I want; it’shismeals. I’d take a peanut butter sandwich made by him over a Michelin star chef.

I don’t tell him it’s his meals I want. Or that I’d be okay with even a peanut butter sandwich.

I don’t push. I don’t appear too needy.

I’m so afraid of losing him. Of pushing him away with my neediness. I want to tell him everything, to be honest about my feelings, but I know that’s a risk I can’t afford to take.

I’m trapped in a cage of my making, and the worst part is I can’t even tell anyone.

Most of all, I’d rather suffer in silence than be completely alone. I’d take a thousand stab wounds for Alex every day.

“Sounds fancy.” I raise an eyebrow in an effort to remain playful despite the tightness in my chest.

“Only the best for you.” He grins, then disappears into the kitchen area.

There’s no way I could tell him why I wanted him to make me a meal. It’ll only remind Alex how different we are and how better off he was with Celeste. The last thing I need is to expose my fucked-up shit in front of him.

Alone, I stand up to stretch my legs. My eyes drift to his calendar, which is pinned to the wall near the door. Dates are color coded. I note a page titled “Prior Commitments”.

Weekend with parents: November 7. Take Vic!

December 2: LAST FOOTBALL GAME! WHOO!

May 14: Fundraiser. Try to get out of it??? Unlikely.

Well, at least during his weekend with his parents, his fake-dating ploy with Celeste will be over. Is it stupid to hope he’ll invite me along?

I’m not aware, but what I am aware of is his sports fundraiser is the same day as my spring orchestra concert. Thelast one of the year. Every section is supposed to get a solo, and since only Victoria and I play the harp, I have a real chance at earning the coveted spot.

Unfortunately, I also remember that just how the spring orchestra concert is the biggest of the year, so is the sports fundraiser.

This is my first year at WU, and even I’m privy enough to know that the year-end fundraiser is the biggest, most important event on campus. Naturally, Alex will be expected to go.

All football players and cheerleaders are. Including cheerleaders like Celeste. It’s such a big event that Celeste is excused from our last concert so she can attend the sports fundraiser.

Funny, considering WU is largely an art university.

My heart sinks as I realize I will not mention the concert to him. What’s the point?

Turning away from the calendar, I settle back onto the couch, curling my feet underneath me. The chef on TV has moved on to dessert, something chocolatey that makes my mouth water. However, the on-screen sweetness doesn’t reach me, not really. Not today.

I’m lost in thought when my phone buzzes. Eden’s name flashes on the screen. Could be nothing. Probably. A text, simple as any other.

Call me crazy, but I know it’s not before I read it.

Eden

There’s a letter from a “Lynn” for you.

Fuck! This can’t be happening!

The room tilts, choking me. I need air, space, something to ground me.

My mother, Lynn, isn’t supposed to contact me. How in the hell she even sent a letter from prison is baffling. In my opinion, she already received an incredible deal. Fifteen years to life with the possibility of early release for attempted murder. The only saving grace is a lifetime personal protection order.