Page 37 of Flawless

“I have a feeling that’s not what you wanted to talk about, though.”

“No, it’s not,” I say, taking a seat on a chaise lounge. Pulling my legs up onto the chair with me, I chip at my toenail polish.

“Want something to drink?” he asks. “It’s kinda hot out here.”

Nodding, I say, “Sure.”

As he steps into the kitchen, I do a few breathing exercises to prepare myself to say what needs to be said.

Zenon returns with two frosty glasses of lemonade and hands me one.

“Thanks,” I say, accepting the glass and then taking a sip of the cool, tangy drink. It’s sweet and bitter at the same time but extremely refreshing in the hot summer sun.

Zenon sits on one of the chairs and gets comfortable, watching me and waiting.

“When we discussed making amends with those we’ve hurt as part of the twelve-step process, you were the first person that popped into my mind. You, then my father, my brother, my mom, and my best friend. In that order. It was based on whom I thought I hurt the most and who definitely hurt me.”

“How did I hurt you, Dani?” he asks.

“You never gave me a chance to explain my actions that day at the game. You accepted what you saw and ran with it as though it were fact.”

“What I saw was my girlfriend being cuddled and kissed by another man. When I came to confront you about it at your hotel room later, I found you and that same guy having sex. Tell me what part I ran with, Dani,” he says as his voice breaks at the end of the sentence.

I gasp.

“I never knew that you came to the hotel that day. I never even saw you there.”

“I know,” he says quietly. “I backed out of the room when I saw...when I saw the two of you going at it. I didn’t want to make things worse, and I wasn’t about to embarrass myself...or you,” he says after an awkward pause.

Even in his pain, Zenon was protecting me. Now it makes sense why he blocked me out of his life, not accepting my calls, texts, or visits.

“Johan was aware of who you were to me. I had no plans to be at that game that day. I wasn’t lying when I told you thatthe day before. Things were becoming more serious between you and me than I wanted them to be. I cared about you a lot, Zenon, but I knew that I wasn’t the woman for you.”

“How could you say that when you were the only one who made me happy, Dani?”

Sighing, I say, “You were the only one who made me happy, too, Z, but...” I pause and inhale deeply before continuing. “Serious commitment requires more than happiness. I had nothing more to give.”

“Why not?”

I close my eyes and pray for the strength to be honest and to hold myself accountable for making amends. Internally, I quote Philippians four and thirteen, the NKJ version.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I’ve never been a spiritual person in the past, but through my rehab, I learned to read the Bible, and I’ve learned to pray. Something that my mama would be proud of because she’s always prayed and read the Bible.

“I made a series of commitments prior to becoming involved with you. They were arrangements with a few very wealthy men. They opened doors for my career that I couldn’t open on my own. They had access to places the Maxwells didn’t.

“Part of that was getting my own show with theHoroscopenetwork owned by Johan Jurgen. He opened that door for me in exchange for favors. Those favors included being on his arm when he needed or wanted me to be. It didn’t matter where in the world he was when he called, I dropped whatever and whomever I was doing and came to his side. He paid the expenses. I simply had to show up.”

“Are you saying that he requested your presence at my game?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying. I got the call at two that morning that he was on his way to Italy. He wanted to knowwhere I was, and I told him that I was already there. Until twenty minutes before the game, I had no idea what event we were attending until he made me change from a dress into casual wear.

“That was the first time I had attended a sporting event with him. It made me sick, Z, that he asked me to attend your game. I was praying that you wouldn’t see me. Of course, he had box seats in the suite for us to sit in. Why wouldn’t he?" I say, releasing a sardonic laugh.

“Did you have to humiliate me in public the way that you did with that kiss?”

“I wasn’t trying to, Z. Honestly, I was caught off guard when he began kissing me the way that he did. He’s never engaged in PDA before. I was not okay with it because we’re not in a relationship. It was just an exchange of favors. That’s all,” I say softly.