Page 37 of Jackass

“Samantha,” Beck interjected softly. “How about if I take Charlie over to my house for a bit? Maybe we could have a sleepover? Would that be ok?”

I barely heard what she said, but I nodded. My eyes never left Jack.

King spoke next, “Everyone else out.”

“No. I want everyone else to stay. I want to know Jack can’t walk away again before I tell him everything.”

Jack stood there in the middle of the room and stared back at me.

He still gave me nothing in the way of emotion.

Beck gathered up my daughter and left. When I heard the door close, I continued.

“The more I pushed, the angrier he got. What I hadn’t realized was that aside from him, I had no one. My parents never liked him. They wouldn’t allow him in their home. I never understood that because he had been nothing but friendly and polite to them.

“My friends had all left as well. He had systematically come between me and everyone I knew. I hadn’t even realized until he changed.

“I just thought that because we were so in love, we spent all our time together. We didn’t need anyone else. Until he started yelling at me, calling me names, I didn’t realize I had no one left to talk to.

“I was working, and that was where I met Carrie. She was a friend when no one else was. Derek didn’t know about Carrie. We mostly saw each other at work, but sometimes, when he went out of town for work, Carrie and I would go out.

“That was where I saw you the first time. At the bar where we met. I watched you for months. You looked so much like Derek that I thought, maybe if I got pregnant, he would be happyagain. I had convinced myself the reason he screamed at me was because he was angry. And the reason he was angry was because we hadn’t gotten pregnant yet.”

I pulled my eyes from Jack and looked around the room. I knew they were judging me. Blade was angry. He stood by Jack with his hand on Jack’s shoulder, letting him know he had his back.

Next were Cash and Rachel. Imagine my surprise when Rachel was the angry one, but there was understanding on Cash’s face.

I might make it out of here alive after all.

I avoided looking at King. I knew what I would find there. Ace and Big Ben sat in the corner. Both trying to look like they weren’t paying attention. I knew that wasn’t true.

The club girls nodded. They were letting me know they would be there for me, no matter how it ended.

As I looked around, I saw a mix of sympathy and hatred among the rest of the brothers in the room. Ignoring them, I focused on Jack again.

“I chose you, Jack, not just because you looked so similar, but because I watched you with others. What I saw was a man who was a friend to everyone. Someone who laughed freely. Someone who looked like he had fun no matter what he was doing. Anytime I left the house, I hoped to see you somewhere. And I did. I caught sight of you at the store, on your bike, with your friends. You pulled at my heart, Jack. I wanted my child to be like you. Not like Derek.”

“Why didn’t you leave?” I turned toward a voice I didn’t expect to sound so angry. Tank had stood up for me. He had gotten between Jack and me. Seeing the disappointment on his face, my eyes watered. I looked at the ceiling and tried to stop the tears from falling.

“I couldn’t. I had nothing, and I thought things would get better. I thought, since everything had broken down when we started trying, that if I could give him a child, things would go back to what they were.”

I turned back to Jack. His face wasn’t blank anymore. It was full of hurt. I closed my eyes, and the tears I tried so hard to keep at bay, began to fall freely from my eyes. This was why I didn’t want him to know.

I had used him.

“I’m so sorry, Jack.”

Jack dropped his gaze to the floor. He couldn’t look at me anymore. I knew he would never forgive me, but he needed to know.

“Samantha.”

I circled around to King.

“I need to tell him everything, King. He has to know. When I’m done, I’ll go.”

King nodded for me to continue.

“I finally left when Derek tried to kill Charlie.”