Page 52 of Jackass

“Jack, it was one night. People don’t fall in love after one night.” There was nothing he could say that would let me believe he was serious.

“I did. Come to my room. I want to show you something.”

I stepped back as Jack stood.

“Jack, I’ve seen it. As impressive as it is, that doesn’t prove to a woman that you love them.” I scoffed.

“Smartass,” he retorted. Slapping my ass, he continued, “Not that. Though, any time you want to see it, just let me know.” Hewinked, then dragged me up to his room.

“We can leave the door open while you’re in here. Tomorrow, we get a monitor,” Jack said, digging through his nightstand.

He walked over, pulling me down to sit on the edge of the bed with him. He handed me a piece of paper that was encased in plastic.

“I had it laminated. I didn’t want anything to happen to it. It was all I had left of you,” he admitted, watching me.

I looked down at what he had given me and my hand raised to my lips.

It was the note I had left him.

Thanks for a great night. Sam

“You kept it,” I whispered as I traced the letters with my finger. There was more I wanted to write, so much more. But I had to be quick. I couldn’t risk him waking up before I left.

“Of course, I kept it. I had expected to wake up next to you. Take you to breakfast. Convince you to move to Nebraska with me. I couldn’t do any of those things. But I had this,” Jack said quietly, nodding at the note in my hand.

There was no way to stop the tears now, so I let them fall. My hand wrapped around the back of his neck and I pulled him down to kiss me. I needed him to feel everything I felt in that kiss. I couldn’t say the words to him, not yet.

Not until my divorce was final.

It wasn’t fair to Jack. It wasn’t fair to Charlie.

I pulled back and gazed into the eyes of the man who had given me everything without knowing.

“I can’t say the words back, Jack.”

“It’s ok, Sammy. You don’t have to—”

I kissed him again before he could finish. I wouldn’t allow him to let me off the hook.

“No, Jack. I want to say them. Just not yet. I need to be divorced first. You deserve someone who can say the words without being tied to someone else,” I told him honestly. “Tomorrow, we can talk to Matlock. I need to get back to Charlie.”

I stood from the bed and walked to the door. Turning to look back at him, I smiled. “We’ll have Matlock start the process, and we’ll get a monitor so Charlie can sleep in her room alone.”

“I love you, Sammy,” he vowed.

I smiled and walked back to the room I shared with our daughter.

Tomorrow, this would become her room alone. This would be my last night sleeping without Jack. I felt like a kid on Christmas Eve, eager to wake up and have everything she ever wanted.

“Mommy. Wake up.”

My eyes wouldn’t open, my limbs were heavy. I’d tossed and turned all night. Every time I closed my eyes, my thoughts turned to Jack and the life we could build together once everything got settled.

“Mommy!”

Little hands shook my shoulder, and I opened one eye to peer at my daughter.

“What time is it?” I asked, knowing my daughter couldn’t answer that.