Page 64 of Love Gamble
“The new clubhouse has everything,” Bella adds, scrolling on her phone. “It even has a playroom. A home theater. A spa. We will never have to leave that house.”
“A playroom for just Julian until everyone else starts having kids,” Damon says, looking over at Bella. “Are you guys next?”
Bella shrugs and plays coy. “Who knows? Maybe in a year or two. I’m not ready just yet.”
“I’d like a few kids in a couple of years,” Damon says, winking at me.
And it suddenly hits me that we’ve never had the conversation.
The one where I tell him I don’t want any children.
At least I think I don’t.
I envision a baby with his gray eyes and dark hair, and yeah, my heart melts a little, but not enough to commit. Of course he’d want children. He didn’t have a good childhood, and I know he’d break generational curses to make sure that the cycle didn’t repeat. He’d be a great father. I see him with Julian.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, stroking my arm. “Corey?”
“I don’t know if I want kids,” I blurt out, turning to face him. “And it just hit me that we’ve never spoken about it. We probably should have.”
“You don’t want kids? Ever?” he asks, sounding surprised. “But you love kids. You are amazing with Julian.”
“It’s not that I don’t like kids—I do. I love kids. I just never pictured myself having any. I thought I’d always just be the fun aunt, I don’t know,” I admit, wringing my hands together nervously.
He takes one of my hands and holds it in his. For safekeeping. “You have nothing but time to decide these things.”
“But what if I don’t change my mind?” I ask, because I feel like that’s where he’s going with this. He thinks I’ll have a change of heart, and that maybe this is just a phase. But I’ve felt like this for a long time.
“We’ll worry about it when we get there,” he replies gently, playing it off.
But this is a big problem, and it could be a deal breaker for one of us. I don’t know if it’s something we should just hope works itself out. I don’t want to fall more and more and get attached and then he says he wants a baby.
Would I have one just to keep him?
Sighing, I figure this is a conversation we need to have when we are alone, and once I have processed my thoughts on it.
“Okay,” I reply, stroking his knuckles with my thumb. “But I think it’s something we both need to get on the same page about.”
How does one compromise in a situation like this?
I don’t think you can. You either want the same thing, or you don’t.
When I turn to ask Bella a question, I realize that she has quietly left and gone back inside. I don’t blame her—I wouldn’t want to be around a couple having this conversation, either.
“I agree,” he replies, bringing my hand to his lips and placing a kiss there. “And we will. But it’s not something we have to commit to right now, we have the time to figure it out. Together.”
He’s so sweet.
Maybe I could just have one child...
No, I wouldn’t do that for anyone. I’d have to be a hundred percent sure, or it’s just not fair to everyone else.
I feel unsettled after this conversation, because this isn’t just something small.
This is huge.
This is a deal breaker for most, if not now, then perhaps somewhere down the line.
I have a lot to think about, but all I do know is that I don’t want any other man.