Page 123 of Broken Saint

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Page 123 of Broken Saint

“Ella, she hasn’t lived a normal life since West and I were kids. She’s spent years battling and getting absolutely fucking nowhere.Bipolar, ADHD, alcohol and drug addictions just to mention a few.West and I, we’ve seen it all. And?—”

“You have it too?” I surmise. “You’re scared that you’re going to end up in a place like that.”

“No. I’m not scared about what happens to me. I’m scared about how I’ll hurt those around me, those I love, when the inevitable crash happens.”

“Colt, history doesn’t always repeat itself.”

He slumps lower in his seat and tips his head back.

“I was fourteen when my gran on my paternal side died. For all intents and purposes, she was our mother.

“Mom and Dad hadn’t been together for a long time, and he was always away working so she pretty much brought us up. But Dad never let Mom go. He still cared in his own weird way. I think it was for us more than anything. And he knew how bad things were likely to get if he just cut her free.

“Suddenly, Gran was gone and we were basically parentless. Mom checked out in a whole new way, and I wasn’t that far behind her.

“I almost fucked everything up, El. School, my chance at playing football.”

“It’s okay to fall apart, Colt. Losing a grandparent, a parent, that’s completely understandable.”

“It was more than that. Looking back now, I know that it was a peek into the future. Of what my life is going to be like.”

“No,” I argue. “Look at you. You’re Colton fucking Rogers. You’re a Saint. You slay every single challenge you’re faced with and come out stronger on the other side.”

“But there is going to come a time when I won’t be able to,” he says quietly.

“Says who?”

He remains quiet.

“Have you been diagnosed?” I ask, needing to get to the facts.

“Yeah, Dad had us both tested. Mild bipolar, ADHD, and an addictive personality, but I guess that probably doesn’t come as a surprise. I haven’t taken medication since I was a kid. I’ve figured out my triggers and developed coping mechanisms.They’re all fine for now, but one day?—”

“Bullshit,” I spit. “You don’t know anything about one random day in the future, Colt. It’s impossible. There is no reason why you can’t keep a handle on it for the rest of your life, just like you are now.”

He holds my eyes, searching for my lie. He won’t find it.

“You can’t let it hold you back from having the life you want, Colt.”

“I don’t…”

“The fact we’re sitting here having this conversation proves you do. You’ve been holding back for years. Not on the football field or with your career. But with me…”

“I’m going to hurt you, Ella.”

“And I might hurt you,” I argue. “But if we stop ourselves from having…whatever this is because we’re scared, then?—”

My words are cut off when he suddenly leans over the console and steals my lips.

He kisses me as if I’m the air he needs to breathe. His lifeline.

His touch burns and his kiss lights me up, but it’s in an entirely different way from before.

It’s honest in a way we’ve never experienced.

Finally, fucking finally, I feel like I actually know him.

There was always something he was hiding, that wasn’t a secret. But hearing those words from his lips explains so, so much.




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