Page 189 of Broken Saint
She deserves more than this. More than me.
The PT pushes me forward, but Ella refuses to move.
Angie has no choice but to gently tug her back.
“Colt,” Ella whispers. “Please, don’t do this.”
“Go and enjoy life, Ella. One of us has to.”
The PT pushes me faster as Ella’s sobs fill the air.
My chest tightens and I fight to drag in a breath.
“What the fuck was that?” Luca hisses from behind.
“Don’t, Luc. Just…don’t,” I snap back as we move closer to the room we need.
The air is thick as the door slams closed behind us and my PT brings the wheelchair to a stop by some bars.
I stare at them, wondering how my life went so drastically wrong that I have to use bars to fucking walk.
I’m number forty fucking two for the Seattle Saints. This isn’t how my life is meant to go.
Sucking in a deep breath, I wrap my fingers around the armrests of the chair, and with the help of the PT and encouragement from my best friend, I force everything out of my mind apart from this moment.
If I can prove that I can look after myself, they might just let me leave.
And then I can finally be alone to deal with all this bullshit the only way I know how.
“You fucked up earlier. I hope you know that,” Luca says the second the door slams, leaving us alone.
“You can go now,” I say, resting back on the bed and squeezing my eyes closed.
I’m fucking exhausted. My limbs are still trembling, my muscles aching from just standing.
It’s bullshit. All of it.
“I know what you’re doing,” he warns. “And it’s not going to fucking work.”
“I don’t care, Luc. It’s over. Everything is fucking over.”
“Bullshit,” he spits. “Only a fucking quitter would say that.”
I scoff, not wanting to hear it.
“Okay, yeah. This isn’t fucking ideal right now. But it’s not the end. Not by a long fucking shot. You can come back from this. You fucking know you can.”
I don’t say anything. Everything feels too fucking dire to even consider the possibility that my life could go back to how it was.
“But if you shut us all out? Shut Ella out…” He shakes his head. “She fucking loves you, man. Don’t do this.”
“That’s why I’m doing it. She doesn’t need this,” I bark, pointing at my body. “I’m too fucking broken, Luc.”
A bitter laugh falls from his lips. “That’s not true and you know it. You’re one of the best people I’ve ever met. I guarantee she thinks so too. I mean, hell, after everything you’ve put her through, she came back. She’s here, and she’s fighting for you.”
I shake my head. “Well, she shouldn’t. I don’t deserve it.”
He pushes to his feet, the chair scraping against the floor as he does so. “This is her life just as much as it is yours. You don’t get to decide that for her.”