Page 229 of Broken Saint
“She might not.”
His words are like a punch to the gut, and all the air comes rushing out of my lungs.
“Fair,” I confess.
“Colt, I fucking hate you for what you’ve done to her. Everything she’s going through right now is because of you. A lot of the pain she’s suffered in the past has also been because of you.”
Jesus, kid. Say it as it is, why don’t you?
Just when I think more evidence about what a shitty human being I am is going to come spilling out of his mouth, he changes tact.
“But, I have also never seen my sister smile like she does when she’s with you. I’ve seen every side of Ella. But I’m more used to the sad side. Growing up, it was really fucking hard standing on the sidelines and watching her suffer, knowing that I couldn’t do anything about it.She’s got that same sadness in her eyes now.
“But it wasn’t there when she was with you.Every image I’ve seen of the two of you together is like seeing my real sister again. The happy-go-lucky little girl she was before her illness took hold.
“You’ve fucked up. There’s a very good chance that I’ll never let you forget that, but I also…” He sighs, staring at the seat in front of him with sadness and despair etched into every inch of his face. “I just want my sister back. I want to see her smile and laugh. I want happiness for her, Colt. And despite everything, I think you’re the only one who can give it to her.”
“What if I can’t?”
“What if you can? What if you can pull your head out of your ass and focus on her instead of yourself? You’ve got a life, a career, I fucking get it. But there is enough space for her there too.”
“Fitting her into my life isn’t the issue here.”
“So what is?”
“Hurting her,” I say, refusing to look at him as shame swallows me whole.
“But you already are. Don’t you fucking see that?”
My heart twists up, stopping me from breathing.
“All she wants is you. She doesn’t give a shit about the baggage you come with. She just wants you. Do you know how fucking rare that is to find?”
I shake my head, unable to process all of this while I’m so fucking scared.
“Fucking unicorn-shit rare, man.”
The plane jolts as it touches down and we both lurch forward.
We’re down.
I’m in Texas.
My heart begins to race as I think about being this close to my girl after all these long, painful weeks.
Pressing my hand to my chest, I fight to drag the air I need in as everyone around me begins shifting around, getting ready to disembark.
“Get up,” I demand when Benny just sits there, waiting patiently.
“What?” he asks, giving me a double take.
“Get the fuck up. We’re getting off this plane the second they open the doors.
“B-but?—”
Refusing to listen to any more, I push to my feet and climb over him.
I don’t give a shit that both of us are too big to sit in the seats properly, or that I bash my head more times than I care to count as I make a show of getting into the aisle.