Page 232 of Broken Saint

I owe her the same and so much more.

Pushing the door open, I march inside and immediately find her lying in the middle of a white sterile bed.

She’s tiny. Too fucking tiny.

Bile rushes up my throat at the physical sight of what I’ve done, and before I get a chance to be at her side, I run into the attached bathroom and drop to my knees in front of the toilet.

After purging myself of all my regrets, I rinse my mouth and then walk toward my girl.

“Hey, Bombshell,” I say, my voice thick with emotion as I reach for her warm hand and lift her knuckles to my lips. “I’m sorry, Ella. I’m so fucking sorry.”

59

COLTON

Ella’s hospital room is different from what I remember of mine.

There are no scary machines, no wires, no annoying beeps or whirs.

The only bit of medical equipment attached to her is a simple cannula in the back of her hand that’s attached to a bag of fluid.

Lowering my ass to the chair on the opposite side of the IV, I keep her small hand clutched in mine.

My chest is so tight, it’s a struggle to suck in the air I need as I catalog her features.

Her skin is pale and has a gray pallor to it, which turns my stomach. The shadows under her eyes are dark, and her cheekbones are more pronounced than I ever remember seeing them.

It only confirms what Benny told me.

She’s relapsed, and it’s all my fault.

My bullshit put her here.

Her body has given up on her because of me.

My heart rate continues to race as I stare at her, regret and disgust poisoning me from the inside out.

Acid burns my stomach and up my throat.

Sucking in deep breaths, I try to keep my reaction under control.

Now that I’m here, I’m not leaving her.

The fact of it is that she might wake up and send me away. She has every right to do so. Every fucking right.

And if she does, I’ll have no choice but to listen to her.

I’ve already been selfish enough for a few lifetimes; it’s time I put her first.

If she doesn’t want me here, then I’ll leave. But I won’t go far.

I’ll never go far.

I can’t.

The time for my bullshit fears is over.

Ella needs me. And fuck. I need her too.