Page 66 of Royal Guard

“Your Majesty, your father trusted me,” said General Novak. “I ask that you do the same. War is inevitable at this point. We must attack first.”

I wish Garrett was here.“How many?” I could only manage a whisper. “How many will die?”

“My latest estimates are two million of our people, over the course of the war.”

“How manyin total,General?”

“Two million of ours, Your Majesty. Eight million Garmanians.”

The numbers were horrific, unthinkable. “And if I don’t attack first?”

“Then their bombers will likely target our cities. Six to eight million of our people, a longer war: one I’m not sure we’d win. At least as many dead on their side, maybe more.”

Ten million people. Dead. Or more than that if I didn’t attack first. I wanted to throw up. They were right, there was only one decision I could make but that didn’t make it any easier. “We attack,” I said. “How does it work?”

General Novak nodded somberly.Thank God he’s here.“The bombers will launch tomorrow morning at dawn, Your Majesty. They’ll enter Garmanian airspace and start their bombing runs roughly an hour later.”

“You’ll go on TV and issue a formal declaration of war just before they cross the border,” said Aleksander. “Also: the President of Sorvatia is on his way. Once the war starts, we’ll have to move troops and supplies through his country to reach parts of Garmania. He’ll be here this evening.”

I nodded. “I’d like to be alone now.”

I managed to hold on until the door had closed behind them. Then I ran to my bathroom and threw up.

Kneeling there on the tiles, I started shaking and couldn’t stop.I’ve failed. I’ve failed my people.My bathroom’s not big, but the room felt enormous, a vast plain with winds whipping across it to chill me. I needed to get warm. I needed Garrett’s arms around me.

But I couldn’t have them.

Instead, I walked on shaky legs to the bathtub and ran a hot, deep bath. I dumped in some of the mandarin and patchouli oil I loved so much. I’d been dreaming about taking a bath ever since this whole nightmare started. But when I got in, it didn’t relax me. I wantedhim.

And then I heard his unmistakable, heavy footfall in the hallway outside my chambers. The thump of hisknock, like a giant who has to knock with just one knuckle, or he’ll knock down the door. That deep Texas rumble...but there was something wrong, a halting tension in his voice. “Your Majesty?”

Immediate, overwhelming relief.He’s here.I needed him: God, I needed him. This rock of a man, the one person who wasn’t all about double-talk and scheming. And right on the heels of that, the knowledge that we couldn’t be together.It isn’t fair, damn it!

I swallowed. “Come in. I’m bathing.”

I heard the door to my bedroom open and then close. His footsteps approaching the bathroom door. My heart started to race: did he understand I only meantcome into the bedroom?What if he just walks straight in here and sees me— My eyes went to the unlocked bathroom door and the lust slammed into me, pushing back my problems for a moment. The effect he had on me was physical, immediate. I could actually hear my breathing growing quicker and more ragged with each footstep that came towards me. Imagining his big hand turning the handle, the door swinging open, his eyes roaming over my body….

He stopped. I heard him hunker down and sit, right outside my bathroom door. I actually saw the door move a little as he leaned against it. I let out a long, heavy breath.

“The war’s about to start,” I told him through the door. “Whatever I do, however hard I try, I can’t change it.” I lay there staring at the door, wishing I could see him. “Garrett... did you ever send people to die?”

“No, Your Majesty. I’m just a grunt. I get the easy part.”

He didn’t try to tell me it would be okay. I loved that about him: the total lack of bullshit. But then he went quiet and I knew something awful was coming.

“Your Majesty,” he said at last. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

Despite the hot water, a chill started to seep into me. “Go on,” I told him.

“It’s been an honor to serve you,” he said. “But I have to leave.”

47

GARRETT

“No,”said Kristina. “No! I need you!”

I stared at the dark, polished wood of the door. I could hear her, hear the tiny laps and splashes as she moved around in the tub. I could smell the bath oil, like sweet oranges and flowers. Her skin would smell of it, if I ran in there and pressed my body against hers, her wet breasts pillowing against my chest. In my mind, I could see her, skin glistening, strands of her chestnut hair sticking to her pale shoulders.