Page 138 of Icebound Hearts
This has been a much-needed break from reality, but reality has been lurking and waiting to greet me the entire time—and here it is. Sawyer and I are going to have to say goodbye, there’s no getting around it, but now that we slept together again, it’s only going to make that inevitable goodbye even more painful than it was already guaranteed to be.
Sawyer traces the edge of my jaw with this thumb, and I jolt as I realize I drifted away into my thoughts.
“You’re awfully quiet,” he murmurs, his brows furrowing. “I thought you’d be happy to hear that. What’s wrong?”
I shrug and sigh, turning away from him but clinging to one of his arms like a life raft as I drift out to sea. “I’m so in love with you too, Sawyer. But I don’t know if I can stand to say goodbye again. Maybe not right this second, but at some point, tonight or tomorrow or whenever, you’re going to get on a plane back to Denver and we’re going to be right back where we left things.”
Sawyer shakes his head and turns me back toward him to stare into my eyes. His thumb finds my jawline again and starts tracing back and forth across it. His jaw is working like there’s something he wants to say but can’t let it out.
“What are you thinking?” I whisper.
“What if we didn’t have to say goodbye?”
I frown at him, unsure what he’s getting at. I’ve turned this situation over in my mind a thousand different ways every night since I moved, desperate to find some way to make our lives fit together, but they just don’t. Does he see something I haven’t?
“How is that possible? We put an expiration date on this thing for a reason, remember? Several reasons, actually.”
“I know. But I don’t want to let you go. Ican’tlet you go,” he says, and I still don’t really know what he’s getting at. He strokes my cheek with his thumb. “Hear me out. I’ve been thinking a lot since you left, and I’ve realized there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you.”
My stomach flutters, my breath catching in my throat. “What are you saying?”
“What if…” He props himself up on his elbow a little, his expression serious. “What if I left the Aces? Jake and I could move out west.”
“What?” I gasp, almost unable to believe my ears. I scramble in his arms to sit up and face him. “Sawyer, that’s your team! You can’t just throw that away.”
He shakes his head. “I can, and I would. I could try to get traded to LA. I’m dead fucking serious. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you.”
“But… even that?”
He nods, his expression serious. “Even that.”
I sit staring at him, shocked and struggling to take in what he just suggested. It would be such a drastic move, and not just for him. Sawyerlovesthe Aces, and they love him too. Sure, players get traded all the time—but the Prowlers are the Aces’ biggest rivals, so I can only imagine the heat it would stir up if he signed with the LA team.
“What about Jake?” I whisper.
Sawyer chuckles. “Are you kidding? He’d love it in LA. Getting to go to the beach all the time, the palm trees, the blue skies? Plus, I’m pretty sure there are bowling alleys here too, so he’d be set.”
That draws a fond laugh out of me, but then I shake my head, biting my lip. “And what aboutyou?Could you really be happy out here?”
“I could be happy wherever you are.”
There’s so much conviction in his voice that I want to believe him. I want to believe that it could be that simple. But I know life doesn’t work like that. It’s messy and complicated, and I don’t know if I could live with myself if I made Sawyer and his son uproot their lives just for me.
My hand rests on his chest. “I… Sawyer, that’s too much. I can’t let you do that.”
He takes my hand in his, bringing it to his mouth to kiss the back of it tenderly. “I want to. It would be worth it.”
I bite my lip, blinking away the tears that sting the backs of my eyes. I want to say yes so badly it hurts. But I can’t let him make that kind of sacrifice for me. I’m not even sure he understands how big of a sacrifice it would be. Still, I don’t wantto let us go any more than he does. I don’t think my heart can handle watching him walk out that door, knowing I’ll probably never get to be with him like this again.
We’re both silent for a long moment, and then Sawyer pulls me back against his chest and kisses the top of my head.
“I’m sorry, heartbreaker. Maybe I shouldn’t have brought it up now. We don’t have to make any decisions right this second. But we’ll figure something out. Like I said, I’m not letting you go.”
As if to prove his words, he tightens his arms around me, and I melt against him, luxuriating in the feel of his strong, solid body next to mine.
I don’t know what that “something” could be, but my heart feels so full it could burst, so I cling to him and this feeling, hoping against hope that we can find a way to make it last.
Chapter 48