Page 18 of Icebound Hearts
“Ice cream with cornflakes on top,” I answer, then burst out into quiet laughter when he shoots me a horrified look. “It’s delicious, seriously! Have you ever tried it?”
“Can’t say that I have.”
“It’ssogood! The cornflakes are the perfect crunchy topping, and when the ice cream melts, it’s just like eating a bowl of cereal. Here, try some.” I scoop up a generous amount of what’s left and hold the spoon out to him.
“I’m good.” He holds up a hand, looking incredibly wary.
“Suit yourself. But you’re missing out,” I say and pop the spoon into my mouth.
“I’ll take your word for it.”
He settles back against the couch, his fingers drumming idly against the back cushion. I probably shouldn’t ask about this, but he mentioned his marriage… and now that I’m Jake’s nanny, it’s possible his ex and I will cross paths. Besides, my curiosity is getting the better of me, so I drop my spoon in my bowl.
“Can I ask about your ex?”
His eyes meet mine, and although he takes a second, he eventually shrugs. “Sure. What do you want to know?”
“I only met her the one time, years ago when I was here visiting. It seemed back then like you guys were doing pretty well. What happened?”
Sawyer sighs and shakes his head. “Miriam cheated on me.”
It’s a good thing I’ve finished chewing, otherwise I might have choked. Reese told me that Sawyer’s divorce was messy, but for whatever reason, I didn’t think it was because of something like that.
I wince. “I’m sorry. That really sucks.”
He shrugs again. “Thanks, but she was never the type who wanted a family anyway. She always wanted the prestige of being a hockey wife, but she was never interested in the responsibilities that come with marriage and a kid, so maybe I should’ve seen it coming.”
“Don’t beat yourself up. None of it was your fault.”
He scrubs his free hand over his jaw, which has a shadow of stubble on it. “That’s what everyone says, but I still find it hard to believe. I just keep thinking that maybe there was something more I could’ve done to make her happy.”
I shake my head, frowning. “Some people are bottomless wells. You can pour into them all you want, but they never fill up.”
Sawyer raises an eyebrow, looking a bit surprised. “Sounds like you might know a thing or two about what I’m talking about.”
Now it’s my turn to shrug. “I’ve had my fair share of bad experiences. But at some point, you realize you just have to put yourself first and do what you can to move forward.”
“Exactly.” He tips his head back, gazing at the ceiling. “I bought this house not long after we got married because it’s what she wanted, but I’ve been thinking of selling it and finding a new place. A place that’s right for Jake and me.”
“I mean, I’m not your financial advisor or anything, but I’d say do it,” I tell him instantly, and he laughs. “No, seriously. You only get one life, and it’s short, so you might as well be happy in it, you know? No sense in wasting it in a house you don’t like, surrounded by ghosts.”
“Mm.” Sawyer nods, his broad chest rising and falling with a deep breath. Once again, I have to wrench my gaze away from him, forcing myself not to study the perfectly crafted lines of his shoulders and abs. “That’s exactly what it feels like. Everywhere I look, I see her. I hate it.”
I bite my lip, glancing toward the stairs. “A fresh start might be nice for Jake. It’s got to be just as hard for him as it is for you.”
“Yeah. I’ve done everything I can to shield him from the worst of it, and for better or for worse, he was pretty young when his mom left. But I wish I could’ve spared him from the upheaval of it all. I’ve just been doing everything I can to keep us afloat since the divorce, you know? Just… existing. Going through the motions.”
“I know exactly what you mean.” My mind drifts back to Chicago and all the ghosts I left back there, but now isn’t the time to share that with him. We’re just starting this live-in nanny thing, and I don’t want to spoil it with my baggage, so I decide to change the subject.
“I know you were trying to give that woman at the bar the brush off, but have you, uh, taken other women up on their offers?”
Sawyer snorts. “No, not really. I’m just not interested.”
“Why not? She was young and gorgeous, and she clearly had the hots for you.”
“Well, for starters, she was way too young. And women like that aren’t really interested in dating me, they’re interested in theideaof dating me. They want the glitz and glam of being the trophy girl on a hockey player’s arm. They don’t want the reality of a divorced guy with a kid.”
He’s sadly probably not wrong about that, but I still find it hard to believe that one of Denver’s most eligible bachelors isn’t playing the field. I frown, crossing my legs on the couch and resting my forearms on my thighs. “You haven’t dated at all since the divorce?”