Page 19 of Icebound Hearts
“Nope.” He purses his lips to one side. “I mean, the guys have tried to set me up, and I’ve gone to dinner a few times with some women that my teammates introduced me to, but I wouldn’t really call that dating.”
“Wow.” I let out a low whistle. “That’s shocking, honestly. I can’t believe it.”
Sawyer arches a brow at me, a half-smile playing at his lips. “Of courseyoucan’t, heartbreaker. I’m sure you’ve got no shortage of men beating down your door.”
My heart stutters in my chest, skipping a beat before racing faster, and I ignore the way his words make a flutter erupt in my stomach, shaking my head dismissively and glancing away so that he won’t see the flush on my cheeks.
“You get points for flattery, but I wouldn’t say they’re exactly beating down my door. Not that I want them to,” I say with a huffed laugh. “Dating is the furthest thing from my mind right now.”
He nods, a look of understanding in his eyes. “Guess we’re both in dry spells right now.”
“Wait a second… does that mean you haven’t had sex since your divorce either?” I blurt suddenly, the thought popping into my head and past my lips before I can stop it. Then I realize what I just asked and slap a hand over my mouth. “I’m sorry. That’sreallynone of my business,” I murmur, my voice muffled. “You don’t have to answer.”
Thankfully, instead of looking offended, Sawyer chuckles. “It’s okay. We’re both grown-ups, and it’s a valid question. But, uh, how do I say this? I can take care of my needs just fine on my own. I’m not looking for another shot at love or marriage, and I don’t want to do anything to disrupt Jake’s life.” He clears his throat. “So if that means staying single and just… taking care of things myself, then that’s fine with me.”
I swallow hard. His long, thick fingers are brushing absently over the back cushion of the couch, and it takes all my willpower not to let my imagination conjure up an image of those same fingers wrapped around his cock. He’s a big guy, tall and broad-shouldered, and I have a feeling he’d be bigeverywhere.
Picking up my bowl, I quickly eat the last bite of my ice cream and cornflakes, trying to cool myself off and distract myself at the same time. As I set the spoon back in the bowl, I glance at Sawyer out of the corner of my eye, finding him watching me.
“That makes sense,” I say to fill the silence that’s fallen between us. “There’s nothing wrong with being on your own.”
“No, there isn’t.” His expression turns a bit pensive. “It’s lonely sometimes, but it’s a lot less complicated than being in love.”
“If I had a drink, I’d drink to that,” I murmur, and a grin splits his face as our gazes catch.
I wouldn’t have guessed it at the start of this, but I’m starting to feel like I have more in common with Sawyer than I expected.There’s a lot more to him than I ever realized from the few encounters we’ve had over the years. He’s stoic and serious, sure, but there’s a softness to him too. I’m not sure how I feel about that realization.
It feels… nice, like there’s an understanding between us that makes conversation flow easily. But it also feels a little terrifying, like realizing that the ground I thought I was standing on isn’t as stable as I thought. Because the more I see him as a fully human, realperson,the harder it is to put him in the box of just my boss, or just my brother’s friend.
The silence that I broke a moment ago falls over us again, and I’m suddenly very aware of how close Sawyer’s hand is to me where it rests on the back of the couch. He’s still sitting a short distance away, but if he wanted to, he could reach out and…
And nothing.
Nothing, Violet.
Because you’re just the nanny who can’t seem to keep her foot out of her mouth, and he’s only been making conversation with you because you took over his living room in the middle of the night.
My shoulders stiffen a little as the voice in my head echoes between my ears. It has about the same effect as a bucket of cold ice water, and I lean back on the couch, glancing at the clock on the wall.
“I should try to get some sleep,” I say, closing the book and picking up my bowl. “Thanks for keeping me company for a little while.”
Sawyer nods. “Anytime.”
I quickly pad into the kitchen to stick my bowl in the dishwasher, then head back out to the living room. Sawyer is just rising from the couch, and he clicks off the living room lamp before following me up the stairs.
When we reach the second floor, I give him a small wave in the darkness before slipping into my room. I nestle under the covers, pulling them up tight to my chin, and do my best to slow my racing thoughts until I finally fall asleep.
Chapter 7
Sawyer
I should’ve known better than to think I’d be able to go to the grocery store without Jake wanting to tag along. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to shop on my own—delivery has been my saving grace for longer than I’d care to admit—but now that Violet has been living with us for over a week and helping take care of Jake, I suddenly have a lot more free time.
So when I got home from practice today and decided to head to the store, Jake insisted on coming with me. It definitely makes the shopping go a bit slower, but when he was a toddler, this used to be one of his favorite activities to do with me.
And I fucking love that.
Grocery shopping on a Sunday with a seven year old might not be everyone’s idea of a great time, but I know the day will come when he’ll be a pre-teen or a teenager—or hell, off to college—and he won’t think that hanging out with his dad is the most exciting thing in the world, so I try to enjoy these moments with him while I have them.