Page 13 of Rage's Solace
I shake my head sadly. She’s mistaken.
Chapter 5
Rage
Lunch is really uncomfortable and I’m not quite sure why. When Meli and Priscilla come back from the restroom, they’re visibly upset. I know better than to act like a bull in a china shop though, so I do my best to keep the conversation ball rolling. After lunch Mia goes outside to play with Barley, and I take Priscilla for a walk around the property. I had planned to show her around, there’s a lot of land attached to the restaurant. My club brother Venom is building a home on a parcel of land near the coast and the whole area is so beautiful, but I also want a chance to talk to her alone because she looks like she’s barely holding it together.
I take her down the winding sidewalk into Meli’s rose garden and we sit on a bench. I roll right into the conversation I want to have because there is no use putting it off. “Were you able to tell what was bothering Meli? I’ve never seen her act that way.”
Priscilla freezes and a long silence spins out between the two of us. Just when I think she isn’t going to answer me, she speaks. “She figured out I was the one who broke your heart all those years ago and was worried that I was trying to get my claws in you again.”
“Oh shit,” I tell her. “Don’t worry. I’ll talk to her about that. That shit’s ancient history. There’s no use bringing it up now.”
“I want to explain—”
I hold up one hand, silencing her. “No need. Like I said, it’s ancient history.”
Her head spins around to look at me, her expression is shocked. “You really don’t care what happened?”
I fucking know what happened. She spelled it out pretty clearly in her Dear John letter. I wasn’t up for getting raked over the coals hearing it all again. I may be a strong man, but Priscilla was, is, and always will be, my one weakness. So, I look her right in the eyes and tell her, “No. I don’t want to rehash all that. We’ve both moved on, so there’s nothing to be gained from going over old history. I bump shoulders with her gently. “Let’s just leave the past in the past and live in the now where we can at least still be friends, okay?”
She tears up but manages to hold back the waterworks as she nods, “Yeah, sure. If that’s what you want.”
“It is,” I say firmly. She seems really upset by that, and I don’t have a clue why. I’m giving her a pass on her past behavior for fuck’s sake, surely she’d be pleased? Trying to lighten the mood I ask, “Now, let’s get started talking about what you need right now.”
Her eyes got big. “Besides my getting my prescriptions filled, I don’t need anything.” Glancing out at her daughter who’s playing on the grass with Barley, she adds, “I’m already so grateful for the new clothing and stuff you bought for Mia. I wouldn’t feel right having you spend your hard-earned money on me.”
This woman is breaking my heart. I wonder if she doesn’t want me to spend money on her because she thinks I’ll expect something she’s not willing to give in return, or because she was so used to living with her abusive stingy-ass husband for so long that she doesn’t think she deserves nice things. Or maybe she feels guilty for running out on me to marry that rich asshole. Ishake that thought away, I need to stop feeling so angry all the time. I jump to my feet and hold out one hand, “That settles it, we’re going shopping.”
“No, really. I’m fine,” she tells me earnestly.
The more reluctant she is to spend my money, the more eager I am to spoil her. I told Mariam I wasn’t looking for a relationship and there was nothing between Priscilla and me. I might have believed my words, but you can’t just turn on and off feelings and the more I was around her, the more I was starting to feel that old need.
I need to shut that shit back down, but in the meantime, I have a woman here who’d had an unbelievably shitty time of it over the past however long. She needed a treat, “Look, Prissy. The only thing you have are the clothes on your back and those were donated by my club’s old ladies. You need more than a couple of outfits. Your asshole of a father-in-law isn’t letting you back in your house. It’s going to take us petitioning the court to get in there and remove your belongings. Our club attorney is working on that now, by the way.”
“I don’t want to spend your money,” she says carefully.
I squat down in front of her to explain. “Want to know what happens after you’ve been through a childhood filled with abuse, lose the love of your life early, and end up seeing active duty on the battlefield all before you’re twenty-four?”
She shakes her head, with her lips pressed together as if she’s afraid of offending me by speaking.
I bring one hand up and rest it on her leg. “You stay busy by working three jobs to keep you from ruminating over it all. Forthe last eleven years I’ve been keeping myself busy with work. I work so much, I don’t have the time or energy to spend it.”
Grabbing her hand, I say, “Come on, Prissy girl. Let’s dip into my savings account. I might even let you help me pick out something cool for myself.”
A small smile jumps onto her face as she looks me up and down. “I’ve actually got some good ideas for giving you a styling aesthetic.
“As long as it doesn’t get in the way of me riding a bike or being a first responder, I’m probably gonna love it. Let’s face it, when it comes to clothing, you have good style.” The truth was that I don’t give a good goddamn about styling or buying shit for myself. What I care about making sure Priscilla has what she needed to function as a human being. I need her to be alert and present for her child, rather than falling into a pit of despair because her shitty husband shot her, wound up dead, and had screwed her out of her marital home by putting everything in his father’s name.
Standing here looking down at her, that seems like a tall order. I hold out my hand again and she reluctantly slides her hand in mine. Her other hand goes to the still healing wound on her belly. “I’m not sure how much walking I can do, but I’ll try to keep up.”
I tug her closer and wrap my arm around her back. “Don’t you worry about that. I’m taking you to a boutique, it’s one my club brothers sometimes use for their old ladies. All you have to do is sit. I’ll even model all the outfits for you if that’s too much effort.”
She bursts out laughing and stops just as abruptly with a wince. “Don’t make me laugh I might split my stitches.”
I can’t keep the smile off my face for anything. Finally having my Priscilla back, even as a friend, is the best thing ever.
“I was thinking of taking Priscilla shopping for supplies. Would it be possible for Mia to hang out with you?” I ask Meli.