Page 30 of Rage's Solace

“Attacked?” she starts to say, and then suddenly a look of understanding flashes over her face. “Oh my poor child, this man he- he—”

“Yes,” I say.

“And he was arrested?” Meli asks, she motions for me to take another sip of my wine, and it goes down smoothly.

I shake my head, “I told my parents, I knew him. He was my husband’s brother—the man who became my husband I should say, I didn’t really know Conrad well then. They came from a rich family and my parents told me that no one would believe me. I was so ashamed, I couldn’t face telling Ray what had happened. I was distraught, I felt dirty and I was scared he might think I asked for it—”

“Never!” Meli says emphatically, “Rage would never do such a thing.”

“At the time I didn’t know what to do, so I told my parents I didn’t want to see him, I blocked his number, and I left for college.”

“So you did leave him,” she says. Her voice isn’t accusatory this time and I can see the compassion in her eyes.

“Yes, and it’s something I regret bitterly. Especially now I know he didn’t die.”

“Die?” Meli asks, her eyes wide.

I take another mouthful of wine, and then another, and another. Meli tops up my glass and waits for me to continue. “I’d been in college for around six weeks when I started getting sick. At first, I thought I might have caught something, and then I realized I was pregnant. Ray and I always used condoms, so I knew…” my words trail off.

Meli reaches out and places her hand on mine, “You poor, poor child.”

“I didn’t know what to do, but I had to tell my parents, a week before I came home for winter break, I phoned them and told them what had happened. They were horrified, but told me to tell no one, I told them that I wanted to speak to Ray, tell him what happened and that maybe he’d take me back and forgive me for running off without a word. My parents were angry and told me that I’d ruin my entire life if I married a man like that. But I was determined, I had to speak to him.” I realize that the tears are running down my cheeks, speaking the words that had been choked up inside me for the last eleven years was cathartic, but also terrifying.

“Would he listen to you?” she asks.

I reach for the wine glass and upend it, “He was dead. That’s what my parents told me, that he’d died in an accident five days before. I refused to believe them, I said I wanted to go to Ray’sfoster mother and ask, but instead they bundled me in their car and took me to his graveside.”

“His graveside?” Meli was incredulous.

“There was a gravestone with his date of birth and date of death. It was all there, he was gone and I had missed my chance at telling him what happened.” I let out a long breath, I was almost done. The rest I’d only learned recently, “My parents arranged for me to marry Ashton’s brother. I was so stupid then, looking back now I can’t believe how I blindly followed their advice. They told me that the only chance I had of having a good life was if I married Conrad, apparently, he’d always liked me. The thought of marrying into the family of my attacker was beyond crazy, but I learned that Ashton had been admitted to a long-stay psychiatric hospital. My parents told me not to breathe a word about the father of my baby, that if anyone asked, then to tell them it was Raymond’s. I wanted the baby to be his so badly, if I couldn’t tell him I was sorry, then the least I could do would be to raise his child, but I knew she couldn’t be his. But that was the official story, that I was pregnant by my dead biker boyfriend. I realize now that my parents came to an agreement with Conrad and Ashton’s father, in return for not pressing charges and scandalizing the entire Whitmore family, they would get a monthly stipend. Conrad also got money from his parents for putting up with me and my daughter.”

“This is shocking!” Meli exclaimed, “And your husband, was he in on this too? This is the man who shot you, no?”

I shrugged, “I don’t know. I don’t think so. Our marriage was unconventional, we never loved each other but he wasn’t an unkind man. Though in hindsight, I suppose if he had been forced to marry me to save his brother from criminalcharges then he might have been bitter. Things changed when his brother was released from hospital last year. Conrad started drinking heavily and acting erratically. I wondered if maybe he was suffering from the same problems that his brother did.”

“And your parents, Rage tells me that you are not in contact with them?” Meli asks.

“After the marriage our relationship got more strained, they left to live on the East Coast, and we don’t talk. I guess I blamed them for everything, for telling me not to report the attack, and for making me marry Conrad. And since I learned that they faked Ray’s death and told him I didn’t want anything to do with him and had moved on, I think that blame is justified.”

Meli was silent for a moment. She shoved the bowl of hulled strawberries to the side of the table and took a hold of my hand, “You have to tell Rage all this.”

“But what good would it do?” I say.

“As I told you before, I have eyes that see. I see Mia and I see Rage, don’t be so sure that he isn’t her father, you need to tell him this.”

I knew I did, but that would be a discussion for another day and Meli promised that she would not breathe a word to Rage. Thankfully after I’d gotten all that off my chest, I felt lighter than I had in years. Though perhaps the generous glass of wine I’d drunk had helped.

We continue chatting for almost an hour, until my wine has all disappeared into my belly along with some lovely gourmet cheeses and wheat crackers. I saw Meli send out a few texts, but I couldn’t manage to feel any genuine curiosity. All I feel is warmand peaceful on the inside after telling someone my deepest, darkest secret. This is about the time that I realize that I can’t really drive because I drank a bit too much. The idea pops into my head that maybe we can put one of the bikes into the back of Rage’s truck and one of my escorts can drive us back to Rage’s place.

Meli puts some croissants into a container and gestures for me to stand up. My feet wobble a bit, “I can’t drive, Meli.”

“Of course not,ma petite,” she says as she links her arm with mine. “I asked someone to help.”

When we step outside, Rage is standing by his truck waiting on us. He was supposed to be working on that project with his club brothers today, but he came here instead. Even in my tipsy condition. I feel myself turning red with embarrassment, only for Meli to step closer and shove a huge bottle of wine into my hands. “You have been through much and deserve to relax. Remember, talking is good.”

I give her a tight hug, because this woman genuinely understands how hard life can be sometimes. She might not be Rage’s birth mother, but she clearly cares for him, and I am so happy he has someone like this in his life.

Rage steps out to meet me, slides the bottle of wine out from under my arm and places it in a box behind his seat. As well as the croissants there are other delicious things. I assume her staff loaded him up with breakfast leftovers.