Page 52 of Falling With You

“I just feel so stupid about how it happened.”

“It’s not your fault. You were prepared, but sometimes being prepared isn’t enough. That’s something that we all come to realize. Why don’t you tell me exactly how you feel right now?”

“That I need to be stronger.”

“That’s not always the answer, Sienna.”

“Then I don’t know what the answer is.”

“So, we can talk about that.”

“It doesn’t help that everything’s all connected. The fact that Aiden blames himself, but it’s not his fault. He was just going to get his phone. And I should have been safe. I wasn’t. And then he got hurt because of me.”

“Sienna.”

I held up my hand. “I know it’s not rational. But that’s what my brain’s thinking. And that’s why I need to talk it out. That’s why I need help. And you know I hate asking for help, but here we are.”

“Your hands fist at your sides and you play with lint on your knees when you say Aiden’s name. Let’s talk about that.”

“I went on a date with him,” I said quickly. “I went on a date with my dead best friend’s ex-boyfriend. The same ex-boyfriend that got hurt because he was trying to protect me from people who wanted to take my money and whatever else they could in that alley. So, yeah, it’s complicated, and I have no idea what to feel. And then these guys got drunk and touched me at the hockey game, and Aiden got angry. He gets so angry these days, and he got angry, and then I got scared, and he backed away. And it just pisses me off because I can’t control what I’m feeling. I can’t control anything. And I just don’t know what to do about it anymore.”

Mary looked at me and then nodded, taking notes. So many notes.

“You love him.”

It wasn’t a question, but my eyes widened, my heart speeding up just enough that I knew she could tell. Mary saw everything.

“I’ve loved him as Aiden Connolly since I was in high school. That love isn’t the same as it was then, and it’s not the same now. He’s part of my life, even though there were times when he wasn’t because that’s drama and family and how people move apart. I don’t know if I’m making the right decision dating him. But it’s hard not to want to be with him even if I know it might be wrong, even if I know it might be too complicated. He makes me happy. Even for those few moments, he makes me smile.”

Mary smiled then and nodded. “Then that’s a start. Let’s talk some more.”

And so we did, we talked about Allison, the attack, and Aiden, and exactly what I was feeling. The hour flew by, and I knew we’d be meeting again the next week, and the next, and the next. Because we’d just broached the subjects, and even though each one could have been its own session, they were so convoluted and connected in my head that I had to just blurt it all out.

I wasn’t really good at therapy. I didn’t go as often as I needed to, but I figured it was time. And Violet was going now, and that was good. I knew that Violet hadn’t been able to deal with being the one who found Allison well and had needed to talk it out. She still did. I knew Harmony had gone to therapy as well, especially after she lost her husband. I didn’t know if she went now. It seemed like such a private thing that I didn’t want to ask.

I didn’t know if I was going to tell anyone that I was in therapy. But I figured maybe I should tell Aiden. Considering that he was going to be a major part of what I talked about. And that was why it was so complicated. He was a major part of a lot of things. A lot of things that I thought and talked about.

It was my day off, and though I had paperwork to do, my brain was a little too full just then.

So I picked up some sushi takeout and headed home, ready to just veg out and pretend that everything was just fine—even when it wasn’t.

I didn’t know exactly what I was feeling, but I felt like I was on a precipice ready to take that next step. Would I falter? Or would I actually land on my two feet?

Because I had been telling Mary the truth in my session. I loved Aiden. I just didn’t know if I wasin lovewith him.

And that was a huge distinction.

As soon as I got home, all four cats came to me, trying to sniff my bag.

“No fish for you. You have food in your bowl, you little lazybones.”

All four of them tried to needle, to use those cute little purrs and to bat those lashes on those little eyes of theirs so they could get sushi out of me, but I would not relent.

It was bad enough that I was eating sushi in Colorado, I wasn’t going to let my cats eat off my plate while I was there.

I sat at my kitchen bar and snacked on my dinner, ignoring the cats as they tried to jump on the counter for a bite of their own.

When my phone lit up, I looked down at it and smiled.