Page 13 of Reckless With You

“You can’t compare your ex-husband to Tobey.”

“No, I can’t. But there are some similarities. Things we can get into.”

“And let me tell you, we wrote down lists and color-coordinated them and everything. Then we left them behind because we didn’t want to seem like we were actually trying to come at you. But here we are,” Zoey added.

“Oh. So, is this like an intervention or something?” I gulped more wine and then switched to water. I didn’t really want to get drunk in front of them. I would end up crying. Or weeping. Or throwing myself at their feet, wishing they could fix everything and make it all go away. But there was no fixing this. There was no making it go away. It would always be there. Like a mole that couldn’t be removed.

My shame. My mistakes.

And, dear God, apparently, I was great at making them.

“He didn’t tell you that he was dating anyone,” Erin said quickly. “What the fuck is that about?”

“I don’t know, maybe he wanted to make it special or something?” I looked down at my hands. I felt like I was watching myself make one horrible decision after another. Why hadn’t he told me? Why did I have such a deep ache inside of me, as if something were tearing at me from the inside out?

“He didn’t tell you.” Zoey shook her head and sipped her wine. “Why? Was he hiding it from you? Yeah, maybe he wanted to keep some things to himself, and I get that. We don’t need to tell our best friends everything. But someone that’s going to be in a relationship with him, that he’s going to state flat-out could be his forever? Someone he really cares about. The fact that he said he found his forever or some shit like that? No, he needed to tell you that. You guys used to tell each other everything.”

“Not everything. I didn’t tell him that I loved him.”

“Well, you did in the end. And the fact that he couldn’t see that all along? That’s some shit right there. He must have seensomething.”

“Meaning you all saw it?” I asked, sheer mortification sliding over me like a second skin. One that was suffocating.

“You know we did, baby,” Erin said, reaching out to grip my hand. “We love you.”

“Yeah. But, apparently, I’m a loser who loves somebody that doesn’t love me back.”

“Well, we could talk about how I feel about that, but we’re not going to,” Zoey said quickly, and I ignored that. We weren’t going to get into Zoey’s lack of love life, because then we’d all wind up drinking. Plus, I knew my friend was hurting. Maybe we all were. Erin had been hurting, too. After all, she had walked in on her husband sleeping with another woman. Well, more like banging in a bathroom, but whatever.

But now Erin was happy and in love and in a relationship with my brother.

Even my oldest brother Dimitri had been through a really nasty divorce, one that had actually ended in bloodshed. But I digress.

He was happy in another marriage now, and he and Thea were practically dancing on clouds with gumdrops and rainbows.

Everybody was happy. Well, maybe not everybody, but the current dark cloud was right over my head at the moment, and it was all of my own making.

“I just don’t understand why he didn’t talk to you about it. If this person is so important to him, they should have shared something. Because you’re important to him, too.” Zoey looked at me, and I sighed.

“I thought I was. I don’t know what any of it means.”

“We don’t either. And that’s why he’s a twat.” Zoey winced, looked at Erin, and then added quickly, “Or a jerk. Or a loser. I don’t know, enter whatever word you want there. Something that states he hid something pretty big. So big, that I feel like he was hiding it on purpose. As in he didn’t want her to know about you.”

“Or worse, maybe she knew about you, and he didn’t want to have to deal with the two of you meeting. After all, not everybody can deal with male and female relationships like that.”

“It was an issue a couple of times in the past when Tobey was dating someone, and even when I dated someone. But not on our end. We always made it work.”

It probably helped that I was partially in love with Tobey even then. Or, at least what I thought was love. Maybe I had been wrong about that feeling. I honestly didn’t know any more. And the fact that I was questioning everything hurt. I really was tired. Maybe wine would make it better. At least, for the evening.

“I don’t know, but it was all a little shady,” Zoey said quickly. “Shady enough that we need to rethink everything. I hate what he’s done to you. I hate that I can see the doubt in your eyes, and the pain. Yeah, you decided to tell him about your feelings in a fun way, something that should have been very fun, but that’s fine. We legit all thought you were dating anyway.”

“We weren’t.”

“I thought you were,” Erin said quickly. “And I’m the newest one to the group. Sure, I’ve known you for a bit, but we were never as close as we’ve gotten recently. And we all swore you two were dating. Or maybe that you had been dating and broke up or something. But every single one of us thought you guys had at least been together at some point. Or were still. I thought I saw love there, emotion. Something. So, you weren’t just making things up in your head. We all saw it. And Tobey relied on you for so much. He was always there for you. And you were legit always there for him.”

“That’s what friends do.”

“Yeah, but not like you two were. You guys were practically an old married couple,” Zoey added. “So, yeah, not sure what the fuck he was thinking, but…we love you. And we’re sorry that he was an asshole. But you don’t get to beat yourself up any more. Okay?”