Page 85 of Reckless With You

He was the important thing.

Just him.

Not anything else going through my mind.

Him.

And I was honestly okay with that.

I stayed at the hospital for a full hour before Evan fell asleep, then I left Melinda and Robbie with their son.

Since they were in the children’s ward, and it was a holiday, both of them could stay overnight rather than only one of them.

I was glad that they had each other, and I was even happier that I had a moment to breathe, to try and make sense of my emotions.

I made it home, Christmas Eve, right around dinnertime, and I was alone. It’s what I was good at.

No, that wasn’t right. I’d always had Devin and his family. I wasn’t alone. But right then, I felt alone, mired in a turmoil of my own making.

Because I had pushed Amelia away. Like I’d said I wouldn’t.

It was fucking Christmas Eve.

I’d bought her a goddamn present the week before. A little thing to put a smile on her face, something that she could hang in her bedroom so it would catch the light and make her happy before she went outside and did what she did. Because she could make life with her hands, and she brought joy to people.

And I had hurt her.

Because I’d been scared and wanted to be alone.

I had done the exact thing Tobey had done to her. I had kicked her out because I was fucking scared and a jerk and an idiot.

Jesus Christ. It was Christmas Eve, and I had no idea what she was doing, what she was feeling because I couldn’t even make sense of my own thoughts.

Somehow…somehow I had fallen in love with Amelia Carr, and I hadn’t even realized it.

It was only supposed to be a fake relationship. A bit of fun until she was okay and ready to move on.

But I didn’t want her to move on. I wanted her with me.

And I had ruined it all.

Then I thought about Evan and the fact that good days in our future weren’t guaranteed.

I had no idea how things would turn out. I didn’t know what would happen next in my life, but I knew I couldn’t do it alone.

I had to do it with my friends.

With the people who’d always been beside me.

And the woman that I had somehow fallen in love with, even though I’d told myself I shouldn’t. Jesus Christ, just because I thought Ihadto do everything on my own, didn’t mean that was the case.

I hadn’t wanted to get married or have kids because I was afraid of losing them. And yet, here I was, with someone in my life who coulddie, and I’d only met them recently. There was no walking away from this. No running from the life I could have had if I hadn’t been a fucking idiot. All of my reasons for being who I was, for the decisions I made, fell out from under me. I knew I had fucked up.

I needed to find Amelia. Had to fix this.

As the snow started to fall, and the lights twinkled on the houses all around mine, I knew it was now or never.

Because there were no more tomorrows for some, and I wanted my coming days to be spent with her.