Page 86 of Reckless With You

I had to see her, even if she sent me away like I deserved.

Chapter 18

Amelia

The songon the radio was telling me to have a merry little Christmas, and all I could do was try and keep the tears at bay.

I was such a mess. Seriously. A mess.

I wasn’t the same person I had been even a month before, not by a long shot. But I was still a mess. Because I was alone.

Like always. But this time, it felt even worse.

My phone chirped next to me, and I look down at it, surprised to see Tobey’s name.

I swallowed hard.

Tobey:Merry Christmas. I hope you have a good holiday.

Was it odd that I didn’t feel anything right then? Shouldn’t I? I didn’t, though. Tobey wasn’t the man I thought he was. And maybe that was on me since I’d only seen what I wanted to. But in the end, it didn’t matter. I couldn’t be the person he needed me to be, and he surely wasn’t the man I needed.

Me:Merry Christmas.

I didn’t say anything else. There wasn’t much more to say. He didn’t reply, and that was fine. Tobey was in my past. Not part of my future. And that was something I’d had to learn the hard way. But I wasn’t alone. Not truly.

I was surrounded by family, this Christmas Eve filled with dog barks and laughter and wine.

My family was everything. They had always been there for me, and I’d almost forgotten that and tried to push them away.

Sure, like me, they were a little pushy and wanted to make sure they were always there, and sometimes it was a little too much.

But because I had pushed them like I had, I’d almost lost myself. And I’d allowed myself to make bad decisions.

I’d allowed myself to lie and to fall in love with someone I shouldn’t.

Dear God, how flaky was I?

I’d thought I loved Tobey, so I had told him in the most over-the-top fashion, thinking that’s what he would want, but I had been wrong. Horribly wrong.

And, somehow, I hadn’t seen beneath the surface. Hadn’t truly seen the man he was, and I didn’t like that man.

I didn’t like who I saw when I didn’t have my rose-colored glasses on.

So, I had lost my best friend.

And now Tucker. Dear God, Tucker.

He had been there for me when I needed him, had always been there for me. And, somehow, I had messed that up, too.

I loved him.

How was that even possible?

We had known each other for years, but I’d thought of him as only a friend. Nothing more. But I had been wrong.

I’d always been attracted to him, but it had turned into something more as we danced around each other and went on our strange journey toward one another.

And then when it seemed he needed me the most, he had pushed me away.