Page 84 of Forever Only Once

I’ve been too focused on my issues and the cops and trying to get out so I could be alone, that I didn’t know much of anything.

I usually loved to have the details. I needed that.

“You’re staring,” a gruff voice said from the bed, and I froze.

“Cross,” I whispered. This time, a single tear did slide down my cheek. Damn it.

“Hey,” he whispered. “You’re safe.”

“You…you’re here. Macon is here. I’m…It’s my fault,” I muttered.

“If I could get out of this bed, I’d hug you and tell you it isn’t. Don’t you dare fucking blame yourself for this.”

“But it is my fault,” I whispered. “I’m sorry you’re hurt because of me. Your brother almost died because of me. Chris is dead because of me.”

“Chris is dead because of his choices,” Cross growled. “And Macon is going to be fine.” I saw the relief on his face, and I almost died again inside.

My fault. All this is my fault.

“When I get out of this bed, we’ll talk through it. We’ll deal with it together. You and me, Hazel. We’ve got this.”

It was like he was stabbing me with each word, broken shards of the person I wanted to be slicing into my skin. Into my soul.

I shook my head and wrapped my arms around my body.

“I can’t, Cross.”

His eyes narrowed. “You can’t, or you won’t?”

“I don’t know what the difference is anymore. But this is my fault. And I don’t know how to fix this. I’m sorry. You have your family, and they’ll take good care of you. But I’m the reason you’re lying there. I’m the reason all of this happened. And…I need to think about that. I need time. Please give me time to think. Please. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Before he could say anything, before he could even reach out to me, I rocked on my feet, pivoting as fast as I could since I was still hurting, and then walked quickly out of his room. My name on his lips was the last thing I heard as I moved past the others and made my way into the waiting room.

Everyone stared at me, but I went straight to Paris and took her hand. She gave me a surprised look, and I squeezed. “I need to go home,” I whispered.

She searched my face, and the others came with me, leaving the Bradys behind.

Leaving Cross where he lay.

I didn’t deserve him. I didn’t deserve any of them.

As I broke inside, and the others kept silent, I wondered how I was going to fix this. Was there any fixing this?

Maybe Thomas had won in the end. He had broken me. I wasn’t his, but I wasn’t my own woman anymore either.

I didn’t know who I was, and I couldn’t be with Cross until I figured that out.

Or maybe ever.