Page 20 of Moments in Ink
And then we held each other, our bodies lazily pressed against one another, sweat-slick and sated.
“Wow,” I whispered, embarrassed.
Meredith laughed, kissed me on the forehead, and looked down at me. “That was my line.”
“I, um, I don’t usually do this on the first date,” I said, my body cooling as the awareness of our situation slid over me.
She frowned but nodded. “Me, either. But here we are.”
We kissed again, slowly, leisurely. We had nowhere to go, at least for the next few moments. So, I would simply savor.
Her fingers trailed over my breasts, over my scars, and I noticed she had a few of her own. But we didn’t talk about it.
There was no need. We could keep our secrets because this wasn’t serious. It couldn’t be. This was only a respite, an evening of moments.
When I started to doze off, I shook my head and let out a sigh, knowing that we both needed to clean up. And so, we stood up, and she slowly dressed, and I pulled on black lounge pants and a tank top, not bothering to put on my dress again.
“I wasn’t planning on this,” I said. “I thought we would have fun tonight, but I wasn’t planning on what happened tonight past dinner. I was supposed to heal, to find myself. I wasn’t supposed to find...I don’t know. Fun? Whatever this is.”
Meredith tilted her head as she buttoned up her pants and nodded. “Same here. So now what do we do?”
I swallowed hard. “I don’t know. But it seems that all I do these days is run, and I feel like running from this room right now will hurt.”
“I’m not ready for serious,” Meredith said quickly, staring at me as if willing me to understand.
And I did. Even though something broke inside me to think that, a slight pang that I ignored. I wasn’t ready for serious either, so her words shouldn’t hurt. And they didn’t. Not really. I was just caught up in the orgasms, and I hadn’t really focused yet.
“That’s fine with me. I promise. This was fun. And if we do it again, we can continue to have fun as friends. Until it’s time to walk away.”
I said the words as if I felt cold inside, as if I weren’t overwhelmed with emotion.
Relief spread across her face, and I tried not to take it personally.
“That sounds like a plan to me.” And then she leaned forward, cupped my face, and kissed me softly.
“Goodnight, Zia. I’ll see you across the fence.”
I smiled, trying to act as if my world hadn’t been rocked to its foundation, and watched her walk away, knowing I needed to escort her to the door but unable to move from the spot.
Because I had no idea what had happened tonight. What I did know was that something had changed, and I knew I had to pretend that it hadn’t.
For both our sakes.
Chapter 6
Meredith
“How dare you do this to me? Who the hell do you think you are? You deserve everything that ever happened to you, and I’m going to make sure more happens. Because you’re going to scream. You’re going to bleed. And you’re going to miss everything that I ever gave you.”
Hands dug into my skin, pinched my flesh. Cold liquid splashed over my body, a towel over my face, water choking me. And then there were hands in my hair, tugging me towards the shower, forcing my face into the water again. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t do anything.
And then I was awake, wondering how the hell I had let myself be like that again. How the hell I had let that dream come back.
I let out a shaky breath and looked down at my hands, knowing that they were mine and not the ones that attempted to kill me. That dared to try and hurt me.
I couldn’t quite believe that the dream had been so vivid, and yet I should. I should be used to the vividness of my demise. I had let it become my truth and reality when I was married to Ash. And now, I was dreaming about it.
Why? It had been months since I’d had a nightmare about him. Months where I had thought I was healthy again, thought I had found my truth and my healing.