Page 27 of Far from Destined

“You sure didn’t know what to say when you practically ran out of the room with Joshua after dinner. I know I can sometimes be a bit off-putting, but you didn’t need to drag your kid from the house.”

“What on earth are you talking about?” I asked, my mouth going dry. I’d left Prior’s in a hurry for personal reasons. I hadn’t even thought about Macon. What had I done to get him to look at me like that? I didn’t like it. It might not remind me of the same pain as when Adam had looked at me, but it still hurt to see.

“I know I’m still dealing with the aftermath of the shooting. I know that I sometimes flinch or act as if I don’t know where I am. I’m working through that. I have a damn therapist. But, sometimes, I can’t control it. If you need to keep Joshua away because of that? I get it. But at least have the decency to tell me and not make me feel like I’m going to hurt you or your kid. Because I’d never do it. You have to believe me.”

I just looked at him, wondering how we could be so wrong all the time.

“That is not why I left. I wasn’t even… I was in my head, Macon. I swear it wasn’t about you. I didn’t even realize you were going through something beyond needing a moment.” I sighed and put my face in my cupped hands, trying to take a breath.

“What’s wrong?”

“I think I’m the one who should be asking that question. Only I’m afraid I’m too late.”

I looked around at the small Greek restaurant we were in, at the food we had picked at but not truly eaten, and knew that this wasn’t where I wanted to talk to him.

“Do you want to go for a walk?” I asked suddenly.

He frowned. “Are you sure?”

“I just don’t want to talk in here.”

He studied my face for a moment before giving me a tight nod. “Okay, we can do that.”

I knew that Adam could be around, could be watching, but I was doing my best not to live in fear. Or maybe I was trying to pretend that this wasn’t happening. I hadn’t seen Adam, but I knew he could jump out of the bushes at any moment, just because he liked to fuck with me. Tonight, however, I wasn’t alone. And I would make sure that we walked in a lighted area, and that Joshua was safe—no matter what. He was with Constance and her parents at our home right now. They were all taking care of him tonight, while I did something for myself and went on a non-date with Macon.

Because this wasn’t a date, it was just two people trying to understand who they were.

“Okay, I’ll get the check, and then we’ll talk.”

“Good. I think… I think I could use someone to talk to,” I said honestly.

He gazed at me, and I didn’t know what he saw there. But he got up and found the waiter, and soon, we were ready to go.

He put his hand on the small of my back as we crossed the street to the park with plenty of lighting and people milling about. Not so many that they could overhear what I was saying, but enough that I didn’t feel unsafe or alone.

“Okay, let’s talk,” he said, and I swallowed hard.

“I did not leave with Joshua because of what happened to you. I swear. If I would’ve thought for two seconds and truly got my head out of my butt tofocus,I would’ve noticed you were in pain, and I would’ve stayed to try and help.”

Macon walked beside me. We didn’t hold hands, we didn’t touch, but I could feel the heat of him. I had to wonder what I wanted, what I was doing. But my needs weren’t essential right now. Figuring out how we could continue talking to each other was.

“I thought that you didn’t want Joshua near me because I’m trying to deal with whatever the hell’s going on in my mind. I don’t lash out. I don’t hit anybody. But I sometimes break out into cold sweats, and I get stuck in my head a lot. Back in…that time.”

I looked at him then and pressed my lips together before letting out a breath.

“I don’t know what it was like that night. I do know that you pushing Cross away to save Hazel probably saved her life. But I hate that you were hurt. And I also hate the idea that you thought I would keep Joshua away from you because of your reactions.” He opened his mouth to say something, but I shook my head. We paused under a light, and I looked at him. “I wanted to keep you away from him because you were fighting. That’s something that I’m still not okay with, and I need to figure out. But I see the way you are with him. And I don’t want to bring men into his life that will just walk away. But you and me? We’re trying to be…friends. And with so many of our relationships entwined these days, I don’t think the Brady brothers are going to be leaving Joshua’s life anytime soon.” It was a truth I had been reluctant to admit. I didn’t even trust myself these days, but I was trying to do better when it came to my son.

“I don’t think we’re leaving Joshua’s life either.” He paused and looked at my face. “And I think that means we’re not leaving yours.”

“I’m not used to that.”

“No?” he asked, his voice soft.

It was time that I told him a little bit about Adam so he understood where I was coming from. Not that I truly comprehended it. “I’m going to tell you something, and I don’t want you to get angry.”

“We’ve already talked about the fact that I’m trying to handle my emotions. I’m not going to lash out at whatever you say right now.”

“But you’re still fighting. And I know that’s none of my business, but it worries me. Not for me, but for you,” I said quickly.