Page 65 of Far from Destined

Macon shook his head. “No need to be sorry,” he said softly. “I know you’ve been through hell and back.”

“Perhaps. But we all have our versions of hell. It doesn’t make anyone’s less traumatic.”

He stared at me for a long moment before he pulled away slightly, his eyes going blank for a bit as if he were pulling up memories instead of staying in the here and now. “I remember everything about that day. I know they say sometimes you forget the most painful parts of your life, that your body and mind protect you. But that’s just bullshit.” He let out a laugh that held no humor.

“I remember things they told me I shouldn’t, either,” I whispered.

He met my gaze, the pain in his eyes palpable. “You understand. Not a lot of people would, but you do.” He reached out and tucked my hair behind my ear. He leaned forward and kissed me gently, and I pressed into him, knowing that he needed the touch as much as I did.

He pulled away and then let out a breath. “You know, other than Arden being sick, we had a normal life growing up. Nothing too scary.”

I looked at him and let him speak, knowing he needed to get it out.

“Arden was sick a lot as a kid, although I don’t know if it was just a weak immune system, or if her lupus had flared even then. Most people say you don’t deal with things like that until you’re older, but I don’t know. She was pretty sick when we were growing up. It only got worse after she got older and we tried to figure out how to help.”

“She’s doing better now, though.” At least, I hoped so. I didn’t see Arden as much as the rest of Macon’s siblings, but when I did, she was always smiling, if a bit tired sometimes. But perhaps she was far better than the rest of us at putting on a brave face during the pain or when the world seemed to be breaking around us.

“She is, with medicine, therapy, and being kinder to herself in the way she lives and endures. She closed herself off from the rest of the world for so long, and it wasn’t until she met Liam that she finally found a way out—if only for a little while.” He shook his head. “She wouldn’t let us pull her out. She hid from us just as much as she hid from the rest of the world, and I hated that I couldn’t help my baby sister. That I couldn’t help her find her place in the world. That I wasn’t able to hurt anybody that dared to come after her.”

“You’re a good big brother. She knows that.”

“Perhaps. But I didn’t always feel that way. Cross got angry. Prior tried to be the funny one and make her laugh. Nate is her twin, so they’ve always had a special connection. And I was the silent one. Even before the shooting. I’ve always been a little quieter than the rest of them, and I never really knew why. When I was younger, I thought perhaps it was just because I had settled into my skin before the others. And maybe I had. I’ve always been comfortable. I found my place and my passions and moved on in life. I figured out early on that I couldn’t break the world in order to save my sister, so I did my best to be there when she needed me, and not hover as much as Cross did.”

“I’ve seen the way you are with her. You guys are a unit.”

“We are. And our parents were always the same. The fact that Dad got that job and moved with Mom was probably the hardest thing they’ve ever done. They didn’t want to leave their baby girl.”

“Or the rest of you,” I said.

He snorted. “That’s true. I’ve always known that my parents love me. That’s never been a problem.”

I tried to ignore the hurt at that. Because I knew my parents didn’t. Or at least they didn’t have the right kind of love. The type that would’ve let them stay and raise me in a loving and caring home.

Macon frowned. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to make you think of your parents. Or to make it seem like my family is on some pedestal.”

I shook my head quickly. “This isn’t about me. And, honestly? I like knowing that there are good families out there, even if mine wasn’t the best.”

“I’m sorry,” he said again.

“Really. Don’t be. This isn’t about my childhood; it’s about you.” He didn’t say anything for a moment, and I pressed my lips together, not wanting to push him in any direction.

“I had a good life, Dakota. Then everything changed. And I don’t know how to get back to the man I was before. Or if that’s even possible or something I want.” He let out a sigh, ran his hands through his hair and sat up, resting his forearms on his knees. I sat cross-legged next to him and listened, not knowing what else to do that might help.

“Do you want to talk about your nightmare?” I asked, knowing he was circling in other directions because he didn’t want to dive too deep. And I was fine with that, but I also wanted him to know that I was here for him.

He looked at me then, the moonlight sliding over his face. Then he reached out and gripped my hand. “I remember every scream. I remember the feel of the air on my face when I walked into that building—the sense of confusion and near foreboding as I walked in with Hazel. I remember the smell of metal, of burnt flesh. I remember the pain—all of it. Hazel’s ex shot me because I was in the way. He and Cross’s former partner tried to take my life because they wanted Hazel or money or whatever the hell they wanted that they put above my life. And I wasn’t even a blip on their radar.”

I didn’t say anything. Instead, I just leaned into him, letting him know that I was there. I knew the details of what had happened. I’d nearly lost my best friend because of the shooting. And I’d almost lost Macon and Cross before I even truly got to know them.

Macon continued. “They dragged me out to the back of the building. I didn’t know what their plans were beyond wanting me out of the entryway. I tried to crawl away after they left, likely deciding I was too heavy to take any farther, but I didn’t have the strength. When Cross came, I remember him screaming and saying my name. I have flashes of it all.” He paused, and I squeezed his hand, my heart breaking all over again as he recounted the tragic event. “And then Cross left after I told him to go. I knew right then that I was going to die. That no one would be sitting next to me as I faded into whatever existence comes after this one. And I made that choice. To tell Cross that he needed to go and find Hazel. That he needed to save her.”

“And I’ll always be grateful that you were there to help save my best friend,” I said, tears sliding down my face as I placed my palm on his cheek. “But I also hate that you had to make that choice. That I almost lost you before I even got to know you.”

I hadn’t meant to admit that part, but I knew it was the truth.

I was falling in love with this man. I knew, down to the depths of my soul, that I needed him.

And yet, this wasn’t the time for that. I shouldn’t andcouldn’tfall. It would be a mistake.