Page 66 of Far from Destined

But it wasn’t as if I could stop myself.

“When the paramedics came with Cross’s neighbor, that’s when I started to fade a bit. I was in and out of consciousness, but I remember the parts I was awake for. The fact that I threw up and tried to apologize even as they put an IV in to send me to sleep.”

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.

“I’m sorry, too. That I wasn’t able to save Hazel, but I am glad that Cross was there to do it. I hated that there was so much blood. That Cross had to start his business and his life basically from scratch all over again because of someone else’s actions and choices.”

“But they weren’t yours,” I said. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“I know that. I think it took me a while to talk it out with my therapist and realize that what happened wasn’t my fault. That I didn’t have to be strong enough to protect Hazel. That I did the right thing.”

My brows furrowed. “You thought you needed to be strong enough to protect her yourself?” I asked, confused.

“I think some part of me thought I needed to be stronger than a bullet, or faster, in order to stop the man from hurting her. It was the same idea I had where if I had been strong enough, maybe my brother wouldn’t have nearly died.”

“Macon,” I began, but he shook his head.

“I know. It doesn’t make any sense. But I don’t think it’s supposed to. I can’t help where my mind goes. And talking it out with my therapist has helped over time. But I still have dreams. So many fucking nightmares.”

“But not every night,” I said, knowing I had to be right as this wasn’t the first time he’d slept next to me. Or perhaps it was only a deep-seated wish that he not suffer each and every night. I hated the idea that he was in pain every day, and hoped that he could rest at some point.

“True. Not every night. Sometimes, it’s worse than others, though. This was my first one under this roof. I’m just sorry you had to witness it while sleeping next to me.”

“I’m sorry that you have them at all. It doesn’t seem fair,” I said.

“I’m still here. I suppose that has to count for something.”

I reached out and cupped his face. “True, but I wish I could take away your pain. You’ve done so much for me. For Joshua. I just wish there was something I could do for you.”

He leaned forward and took my lips. “Just be with me. That’s all I need. Let me know I can stay.”

Always.

I didn’t say it. I wanted to. But I was so afraid.

Because what would happen when we took care of Adam and we were safe? What would happen when there wasn’t a wolf knocking at the door?

But I didn’t think that. Instead, I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his.

He kissed me back, a little harder than usual, and I let him. He needed this moment, this touch, and if I were honest with myself, so did I.

Macon lowered me to my back and hovered over me, taking my lips. I let my hands drift up and down his back, soothing him even as I did the same for myself.

He deepened the kiss, angling my head to capture more. And then his lips trailed down my body, and he tugged my tank top away from my breasts, lapping at my nipples, sucking at them. He pinched the turgid points, the sensation going straight to my core. I arched into him, needing him more. He shoved off the tank top completely, my breasts falling free, and he kept playing, pleasuring.

He licked down my belly, biting at the waistband of my pajama pants. When he pulled them off, along with my panties, he dove between my legs, going down on me as if it had been years since he’d tasted me, and not mere hours.

I wrapped my legs around his shoulders, tangling my hand in his hair. He kept sucking, my pussy tightening as he thrust one finger, and then another. He continued to feast, licking me until I came, my whole body shaking. But when he rose to kneel and pull down his pajama pants, I shook my head. He frowned at me.

“Let me,” I said, and then I knelt in front of him, sliding his pajama pants down his body, and watching as his cock sprang free.

I took him in hand, my fingers barely touching around his girth, and licked around the tip of his cock.

“Be careful of your teeth,” he warned.

“I’ll be gentle.” I teased the ring at the tip. He moaned, sliding his hand into my hair, and I gripped his hip before swallowing him. I was careful, going slowly so I didn’t hurt myself or him, but I hollowed my cheeks, humming along his length.

He moaned, his hips moving just a bit before he froze and let me take what I needed—which was only to give him whatheneeded.