Page 137 of Under the Waves

“Poppy,” his voice shifted into a more serious tone and my spine instinctively locked up at the sound I knew all too well. “Last night, what I saw…I don’t want to make assumptions about what might have happened to you, and you can definitely tell me it’s none of my business to know as it’s well within your right, but—are you okay? At home, with your parents, with you? All of it, any of it—just, are you okay?”

I swallowed what felt like a ton of bricks as I stared up at him, toeing the edge of a cliff trying to keep back tears that threatened to fall.

“I—I’m okay,” I managed to whisper but I knew he could see through those words as soon as they left my lips. The falseness of them.

“Are you sure? You can tell me if you aren’t, Wellsy. It won’t change anything for me, and it certainly won’t make me view you differently.”

I had a chance, right there, to tell himeverything.

To let go of this burden before it became the anchor, trapped on the ocean floor, that caused me to drown.

And for once in my life…

I took that chance,

and didn’t look back.

“No,” I said, and the world suddenlystopped.

No.It was a sentence within its own right. Jasper didn’t pry me for answers or expect more from me than I was willing to give him. Instead, he squeezed me gently, resting his forehead against mine. He was letting me take all the time I needed to get the words out. Jasper Ridge was giving me a choice when so many people in my life had taken that away from me.

“My parents—I don’t think they were ever truly in love. I think they only decided to be together because of me, and if I hadn’t been born, I doubt they would’ve stayed. I never really got along with either of them. It always felt like I was stuck in the middle of a train track with each of them standing on opposite sides pulling me in different directions. My dad wanted me to surf, to be just likehim. So that’s what I did. I surfed for him, tried to be like him if that’s what it would take for him tolook at me like a father should look at his daughter and not like a coach looking at a trophy…There was one night in particular that I can’t get out of my head. It was dark outside, I heard his steps in the hall, coming closer and closer to my room. I pulled my cover over my body, squeezed my eyes shut. He came in and he sat on my bed and his fingers brushed against my cheeks and I couldn’t breathe—”

My limbs were paralyzed, frozen in shock as I felt his lingering touch all over my skin. I was tainted by the memories of him. Scarred and ruined. I squeezed my eyes shut until they burned. I didn’t cry. I didn’t struggle. I just—I just let him take parts of me I never offered to give.

But it never went…

He never…

I wasn’t…

“I did nothing to stop him. I’m a coward, Jasper. Maybe that’s why I deserved it…”

I hid under my sheets.

I knew he was coming.

I knew and I hid.

I closed my eyes, and I hid like a coward.

Like a kid.

“Don’t,” he choked out, teary-eyed. “It wasn’t your fault, Poppy. None of this was your fault.” He paused. “Did he…Poppy, did he ra—”

“N-no…” I shook my head quickly, interrupting him before he could utter those words. My voice broke as a hint of terror slipped into each word. “He never…it never…I wasn’t…” My voice got lost in my throat. In one breath I mumbled the words, “Itneverwentthatfar.”

“So, he didn’t…he never…”

I shook my head so violently it ached. “No.No.”

I wasn’t a victim.

I wasn’t a…

I wasn’t…

“The last time…the last time he…my mom came into my room just before…he thought she wasme, Jasper. She was so angry, I’d never seen her like that before. But she wasn’t mad about what—what he nearly did tome, though, just…at the fact that he took more interest in me thanher. Shehatedme, Jasper.She still does.” I paused, letting out a shaky exhale as I blinked back tears. “They started shouting so loudly. I could hear it through the walls and rattle beneath the floorboards. When he was distracted by her, I ran. I ran and locked myself in the closet and didn’t come out until the noises stopped. I hadn’t even realized how much time had passed until she bundled me up in her arms and fussed over me as she made Mac and Cheese. I…I was in that closet forthree days, and no one even noticed I was gone.”