Page 54 of A Sea of Unspoken Things

“I got a couple of calls saying that one of my guys was poaching, and when I asked Johnny about it, he didn’t deny it. I thought about firing him off the project, but his work in Six Rivers was vital to the goal of CAS, and I knew we would have trouble replacing him. Especially that late in the game.”

“So, you didn’t report him?” I asked.

“No. If it had gotten out what he was doing, it would have jeopardized our entire study. If he was an actual scientist, he would have understood that. But he was very stubborn. It was hard getting through to him.” She shook her head. “Like I said, it doesn’t matter much now, does it?”

But it did. It mattered more than she could know. I couldn’t deny the fact that I was surprised by what she’d told me, but there was no reason I could think of for Josie to lie. Deep down, I could feel that it was true, and slowly a realization was snaking its way through me.

That maybe, despite everything I’d ever believed, I didn’tknowJohnny. Not like I thought I did.

Twenty Years Ago

It was a Friday night in April, only weeks before summer, but a late frost was coming to Six Rivers.

Micah, Johnny, and I had planned to drive out to the gorge that afternoon, and Griffin decided to join us at the last minute. I’d been irritated when Johnny told me, because Griffin had been doing that a lot lately—showing up unexpectedly.

Telling him about Byron had been a mistake, and I wasn’t sure why I’d even done it. The secret formed a kind of bond between us, and it seemed nearly every time I was alone, he was suddenly there. Finding me in the studio after school or on the walk home. Catching my gaze from across the diner or inviting himself into our weekend plans. Every time his eyes lingered on me or his arm brushed mine, it felt intentional. Like we had a silent agreement aboutafterSix Rivers.

I could feel him wedging his way into the cracks of my life, fitting himself between me and Micah. Me and Johnny. The unspoken thing that hung in the air every time he was near me was that he knew what I’d kept from them. And the longer I did, the bigger the lie became.

I didn’t argue about Griffin coming along to the gorge because I was walking on eggshells with him. At least until I came clean withJohnny and Micah. I didn’t like that he had something to hold over me. It felt like leverage, an unbalanced set of scales.

Griffin drove his own truck out to the gorge because he couldn’t stay the night. He had soccer practice early the next morning and would make the trip back alone while the rest of us camped. We did what we always did, peeling off our clothes when we got down to the ravine and jumping from the cliffs as the sun went down. The temperature started to drop before it was dark, and Griffin stayed close to me, not letting the distance between us stretch too far. I could feel Micah watching us. No one knew about the nights he spent in my bedroom. I hadn’t even told Olivia because I didn’t want the spell to be broken. I was terrified of when it would end, because I could feel in my bones that it would.

Once my fingers were numb with cold, I found a spot on the other side of the ravine to sit and watch the others jump from the cliffs, while I sipped from a bottle of whiskey that Johnny had brought. It didn’t take long before Griffin trudged up out of the water to sit beside me, and his fingers brushed mine as he helped himself to the bottle, taking more than one long drink. I sat there stiffly, my eyes on the water, hoping that if I didn’t look at him, he would keep his distance. But only seconds later, Griffin’s cold hand found my knee, sliding up the curve of my inner thigh until it was between my legs.

I shoved him hard, looking up to the cliffs, where Micah and Johnny were about to jump again. Micah was talking, distracted, but Johnny’s attention was pulling in my direction. Like some flicker in the back of his mind had caught the uptick in my pulse. When he looked at me, I snatched the bottle from Griffin’s hands again, taking a drink. And then Johnny was stepping off the ledge and falling through the air.

Come on, James.

Griffin leaned toward me, his mouth close to my ear and his breath stained with whiskey.

What the fuck are you doing?

I could still feel those hoarse words on my lips and hear the shake in them. I could still see the blaze in Griffin’s eyes.

Don’t ever touch me again.

When I left Griffin on the bank, I didn’t know he was going to finish the bottle of whiskey. I didn’t know that he’d stumble back to the trailhead when we were done at the swimming hole, too drunk to drive home.

I kept my distance from him as Johnny got the fire going, but I could still feel my brother’s attention on me, a question in his eyes every time they met mine. But I’d handled it, I thought. I’d dealt with Griffin Walker and I didn’t need Johnny to save me. I also wouldn’t risk my secret about Byron coming out until I was ready.

The night drew on with a growing pressure in the gorge, and the more Griffin drank, the more visibly agitated he became. More than once, I caught Micah and Johnny meeting eyes in a building tension that made me regret the sips of whiskey I’d taken. I was beginning to feel sick.

Griffin went to his truck to turn up the music, and while he was gone the atmosphere around the fire eased just a little. I could see that Johnny and Micah had had enough, but we were stuck with him for the night. The only thing we could do was to let him sleep it off.

The crunch of footsteps on ice-crusted earth sounded before the firelight fell on Griffin again. But when it gleamed on something clutched in his hand, I felt colder. It was the rifle that was always stowed behind the seats in the cab of his truck.

Immediately, an uneasy feeling bled through me, an electric buzz waking in the air. The firelight glinted on the barrel of the gun as he raised it, pointing it into the dark, and I didn’t expect the sound that followed. He fired, making me jump, and a rustle of wings took off in the trees overhead. When Griffin raised it again, Micah stood from where he was sitting on the other side of the fire.

Cut it out, Griffin.

Micah was noticeably annoyed, but there was a serious undercurrent to his tone. An edge of nervousness. Griffin ignored him, the barrel of the gun arcing in the air like he was sighting an imaginary bird across the sky. When he pulled the trigger again, I flinched.

Griffin.

The warning came from Johnny this time, but Griffin was laughing now. Slowly, the gun tilted down and goosebumps raced up my arms when its aim drifted close to me.

Johnny was immediately on his feet, moving in the dark beside me, but Micah caught Johnny in the chest with his hand, stopping him. Like he was afraid that any sudden movement would result in Griffin pulling the trigger a third time.