Page 55 of A Sea of Unspoken Things

The flood of adrenaline in Johnny’s body poured into mine, making me feel like I was on fire. Then they were both shouting—Micah and Johnny. But their voices were a blur lost in the sound of my own racing heart. Griffin’s eyes met mine, a furious gleam in them that I didn’t recognize.

It’s not fucking funny, Griffin. Put it down.

Micah took a step closer to him, hand still twisted in Johnny’s shirt, but Griffin only laughed louder.

You’re the only one who gets to fuck her, right?

Griffin’s words were slurred and sloppy, his eyes still on me.

I could see the shift on Micah’s face. The rigidity of his posture. He glanced from me to Johnny, but my brother’s face was unreadable.

You think it’s a secret? When are you going to tell them you’re leaving, James? When are you going to tell them you’re too fucking good for this place?

The gun wasn’t just close to me now. He was pointing it at me. And I was frozen, beginning to tremble as the blood drained from my face.

I could see that Griffin liked it. That he wasenjoyingit.

You’re so full of shit.

He muttered the words before finally lowering the gun, and instantly, Johnny was closing the distance between them. I could viscerally feel the flood of his emotions, racing by so quickly that I could hardly get hold of them. And before Griffin even knew what was coming, Johnny had his hands on him. He tore the gun from Griffin’s grasp, driving him backward until Griffin lost his footing. And Johnny didn’t stop. He shoved Griffin with so much force that he went flyingback, disappearing from the glow of firelight until he was swallowed by the dark.

That sickening sound—Griffin’s head hitting the stone—made me stop breathing. I think I knew right then. In that very second. Before I scrambled to my unsteady feet. Before I fell to my knees beside his still body. Griffin’s wide eyes were open, staring into the sky, and he was just…gone.

It was an accident.

I honestly don’t remember who was the first one to say it—me or Micah. I only know that it immediately became true. In a matter of seconds, there was a story.

He was drunk.

He tripped.

There was nothing we could do.

I could see that Micah believed it. And why wouldn’t he? He hadn’t felt what I did. He hadn’t almost audibly heard that scream of fury resounding through my brother’s head. I was the only one who knew, in that moment, how badly Johnny had wanted tohurtGriffin Walker.

And then I’d watched with my own eyes as he did.

Eighteen

I sat on the beach, my fingers buried deep in the sand as I stared out at the opaque water. This sea reminded me of my brother. The weary, windblown cypress trees on the bluff, the brutal cliff face.

The harshness of the environment made things grow differently here, and maybe Six Rivers was like that, too. I wondered now if that’s why Johnny had always said that we were made in the dark.

I wasn’t thinking about Autumn anymore. My mind wasn’t twisting around the photographs or the timeline or even the day Johnny died. There was only one moment that kept replaying in my mind—Griffin Walker.

The memory was like a brick in my stomach. One I’d gladly swallowed for my brother. But with every day that I was back here, it seemed that night was cast in a brighter and brighter light.

I had always wanted to believe that I understood Johnny in a way that no one else did. That I had a handle on what he was and wasn’t capable of. But my mind wasn’t just spinning now. It was unwinding. I had the distinct feeling that the world around me was coming undone. And there was nothing I could do to stop it.

What I had never allowed myself to consider was whether mybrother was really, truly broken. Whether he didn’t fit in this world for a reason. And maybe between the two of us, I was the only one who hadn’t actually known that.

Micah found me after the sun began to set, rippling on the water like liquid fire. The fog had cleared just enough for the sky to peek through, changing the color of the sea. I didn’t pull my eyes from the waves as he sat beside me or turn to look at him when his arm touched mine. We sat there in silence for a long time before I finally said it.

“He was going to get kicked off the project.”

Micah turned to look at me. “What?”

“Josie. She told me Johnny was poaching the invasive owls that were impacting the outcomes of the study. He was worried his sectors would be eliminated from the report because they weren’t viable. If that happened, his owls wouldn’t be included in the protections. So, he started controlling the numbers himself and Josie threatened to report him to the board.”