Page 140 of Payoff Pitch
I know the answer is no. It’s not fear. It’s common sense, the fact that we want two different lives. I’m not willing to compromise being married and having a big family. I don’t know that I could ever truly be happy without that.
Layton continues, “All these guys used to say I’d never get married because I love myself more than anyone else.” Everyone laughs. “Well, a wise man once told me that you can tell how much you love yourself by the partner you choose.” He takes a deep breath. “I guess I’m the bomb. I must love myselfa lot‘cause my wife is the best there is.”
There’s a huge mix of laughter andawws. Arizona smiles giddily with tears in her eyes and pure happiness on her face.
Tears spill out of my eyes, not only for the joy of the love I’m witnessing but for the loss I’m about to sustain. What about Harper? I can’t let her go. I love her like she’s mine even though she never will be.
I try to blink away the tears. I need to set aside my own shit so that I can properly celebrate one of my best friends and her new husband.
Shortly after the ceremony, Layton and Arizona share their first dance to the first song they ever danced to, “Until I Found You.” The way they stare at each other is like a dream.
My tears start back up again. They’re such a magical couple.
As always, Tanner is keeping a distance from me in public. For some reason, it’s bothering me more tonight than it usually does.
My friends and I dance the night away, having a blast, until a slow song begins. This is when all the couples pair off and I’m left alone.
My eyes catch Ezra’s. Why can’t I feel for him half of what I feel for Tanner? My life would be so much easier.
He takes two steps in my direction. Even though he has someone now, he’s still putting my needs first. My heart warms for the kind of man he is.
Suddenly his movements stop, and his eyes glance behind me.Before I can turn, I feel a warm hand on my arm. It gives me shivers. I’d know that touch anywhere. Tanner.
With our bodies close, I turn and look up at him. “People will talk.”
He runs his fingertips up and down my arm and breathes, “What people? No one else is here.”
I’m processing what he’s saying when he jerks my body tight to his. I nearly gasp at the surprise move before giving in by leaning into him and moving my hands to the nape of his neck.
With his big hands on my waist, his lips move to my neck, peppering it with kisses.
I’m dumbfounded. “What’s gotten into you tonight?”
He audibly inhales me. “It’s me who will be getting into you. In fact, let’s get out of here and start that process now. I’m feeling particularly insatiable.”
I let out a laugh. “I’m not leaving. It’s too early. She’s one of my best friends.”
He lifts his head and furrows his brow. “And what am I?”
Without any hesitation, I answer, “My fuck buddy. You’re supposed to be mysecretfuck buddy, but you’re not doing a good job of hiding it tonight.”
He shrugs. “Half the people here know anyway.”
“And the other half?”
“I don’t care.”
What is happening? I pull his head away from my neck until our eyes meet. I’m so confused.
Before we can continue the conversation, the song ends and Kam pulls my arm, likely realizing I need a rescue. “We’re doing shots.” She narrows her eyes at Tanner. “Get lost. Act like she doesn’t exist, per normal.” She hasn’t remotely thawed to him in the past few months.
We make our way toward the bar. She grits out, “You need to end things with him. You’re in too deep.”
I nod. “I know. You’re right.”
She stops short. “Excuse me? Say that intomy good ear.”
“You’re right. It’s time. We have different plans for our futures, and I can’t find what I need while I’m still doing what I’m doing with him. I want one more night with him. We’ve spent a year together. I need tonight. I’m going to break things off tomorrow.”