Page 74 of Loving Jemima

Her mother nodded. “Something you should probably work on then,” she said. “Depending whether or not the gal is worth it.”

“Gal?”

“This party planner,” her mother said, tilting her head. “Eleanor? Ellie? Bella? Are you going to eat that ham?” Jem shook her head and her mother reached over with her fork and took the slice. “I’m positively famished. Are you riding out with me tomorrow?”

“Uh… sure,” Jem said, who’d had no intention of doing so.

“All that money on your education. ‘Yes’ is the word you’re looking for. I won’t have this American ‘sureness’ abouteverything. Tell me about the gal then.”

And to her surprise, Jem found herself talking to her mother.

Chapter Thirty

Ellie pushed herself hard because she thought maybe she had something to prove. Alistair Darlington had said nothing about her personal life and nothing about Jem. And Jem had said nothing about Jem either, not that Ellie had tried to call or message. It just hurt too much and was better off behind her.

So for the week after she got out of hospital, Ellie did all the things she was supposed to. In a way, she guessed, she got her old life back. And on Friday evening she was finally climbing the stairs to her flat, looking forward to feeding Constable and falling asleep on the couch, when she saw Paul standing in front of his door.

“Were you going to tell me you’d been in hospital?”

Ellie did her best to smile. “I didn’t want to worry you. Besides, it was only for a few hours and it’s all fine now. I’ve even got a psych appointment to follow up, so really, there’s nothing to worry about.”

“I do worry though,” Paul said as she reached the landing. “Of course I do. It’s my job to look after you.”

Ellie paused at this, key in hand. “Um, not really,” she said lightly. “Though thank you for thinking of me.”

Paul sighed and she could hear it lingering in the air. “Ellie, come on. You need someone to keep an eye out for you.”

She didn’t know how she felt about that. On the surface itseemed nice enough, but it also sounded… creepy.

He stepped closer. “And then there’s the break up too.”

“I really don’t want to talk about it,” Ellie started before frowning. How had he known about that? She hadn’t seen him to tell him. “Who told you?”

He smiled at her and came in another step closer. “Does it really matter? What matters is that I’m here for you, El. Why don’t I bring some dinner over and you can tell me all about it?”

“I’m alright, thanks,” she said, pressing her keys between her fingers.

“You’re better off out of it, anyway,” Paul went on. He cleared his throat. “Actually,” he added casually, “I was thinking of asking you out myself. Is it a bit soon? Cos I can ask again in a week or so.”

Ellie just stood there, mouth half open, letting the words sink in. Was that what all this was about? All the caring and the food and the chats? It had all been leading up to this? Suddenly she felt dirty. Dirty and dusty and quite stupid.

“Bit soon then, eh?” Paul said, grinning.

“No, well, yes,” Ellie stuttered. She swallowed and looked up at him. “Paul, you know I’m not interested in men, right?”

“I’m not just any man though,” he said, still grinning.

She blew out a breath, got her keys ready, slid the appropriate one into the lock just in case she needed it. She’d never felt unsafe here before, not like now. Not with Paul looming over her in front of her own door, that grin on his face, any understanding she’d thought they had all gone down the drain.

“I mean, we know each other pretty well by now, El, don’t we? And I can see that you’re interested, maybe even curious. So what if we went out for a night or a few dates, just to see? It’s not like they’d take your lesbian card away, is it?”

Her heart was starting to pound, her chest was starting to tighten. But she couldn’t show it, couldn’t give him another reason to think she was weak or needed looking after. He was bigger than her, far bigger. And she… she was afraid, she realized.

“I’ll think about it,” she lied, turning her key quickly as she talked and hoping he didn’t hear the sound.

“Alright then, I’ll go get some food, shall I?”

“I’m not hungry. Tired. I’m just going straight to bed, not feeling my best,” she said, the words all running together.