Page 49 of Your Rule to Break
I take a long drink from my iced coffee, urging the caffeine to help me be productive. I need to make progress on the openers for Willow, then I can get into Cosmos mode.
One thing is certain: Zack and I need to talk.
The Cosmos made itlook too easy and won their first Monday night game, 42-10. Even with a large lead, the stadium never relented, which is like a natural serotonin boost. I'm always after one of those, in addition to my daily meds.
I’m in the hallway, waiting for Zack to come out of the locker room. I spin a gold ring on my right hand as I switch my weight from one leg to the next. If you didn’t know I was someone with crippling anxiety, you might think I was dancing.
Zack sees me, and his face is hard to read. I smile when I see him, because no matter what’s going on, that’s my natural reaction to seeing him. He practically skips over to me and wraps me up in a hug, his head on my shoulder and his arms around my waist.
He doesn’t say anything as he sways us back and forth. His arms squeeze around me, and it’s like every immediate worry and concern drifts away as I melt into him. It's like his frame is meant for me—I fit perfectly.
I feel like I never fit. This is a nice change of pace.
He finally pulls away, but puts my face in his hands and says, “I’m so glad you came.” His eyes remind me of a perfect summer day, not a cloud in the sky.
My bones are made of goo and he might be holding me up at this point. Not sure what would happen if he just let go.
“I feel like we should talk. Are you up for that?” He moves his hands from my face, I’m still standing—which is good—and puts his hand out for me to take.
I barely feel ready, like I don’t even know what I’m going to say, but I know we can’t put this off any longer. Or I can’t, at least.
“Yes, we should.”
Chapter 27
Zack
Emilie’s in my apartmentfor the first time, and I’ve got to be honest, I thought it’d be with less clothes and heaviness.
Ever since Friday, I’ve done nothing but think about her. Wondering if she’s safe, if she’s pacing her hallway, checking her pulse. She has infiltrated my brain with no signs of leaving.
She sits on my navy-blue velvet couch, the vibrancy of her curls contrasting as she tips her head.
“You would have velvet furniture,” she muses, running her hands on the sides of where she’s sitting. “I love this color.”
“I like color. And soft things,” I say as I sit down across from her, wanting to give her space.
The silence is awkward for a few seconds, before I jump right in.
“The video. Not my finest moment,” I say while rubbing my hands together, before cracking some of my knuckles. “I know when people have things leak like this, the first question is always how could they be so stupid? I'm not stupid but sometimes I'm reckless, but usually only when I’m at risk. We didn’t record everything—like, being naked on film, not good—but I wasn’t dumb enough to go all the way.”
I’ve thought about what I was going to say, even tried practicing it a few times, because I feel like I get one chance to make it right.
“I don’t like that it came out for my own personal reasons, obviously, but I hate that it made you feel bad.”
Emilie nods. “I appreciate it. Really, I do. But it wasn’t fair for me to take this thing that happened to you and make it about me. That was selfish.”
Well, fuck. I didn’t even think of it that way.
“Thank you.”
“Are you doing okay?” She leans forward, taking me in.
“Yes. I mean, not ideal, but we both consented. I had to talk to Tripp about a statement fromWhen We Play. Again, the timing with the youth event could’ve been better.”
“Okay, if that changes. I'm happy to listen without judgment.”
“Thank you. Seriously.”