Page 83 of Your Rule to Break
Love is about not giving up on each other.
One of them said this line, and it keeps rattling in my brain, echoing in my bones.
The staff is starting to deliver dinner plates when I think I’m going to crack myself open with pity, concern, anger, or sadness. Pick an emotion and I bet you I’m feeling it.
I put my head in my hands for a few seconds, trying to get my shit together. I feel somebody sit down, and I have no capacity. No energy left besides what’s being used to keep myself somewhat together.
“EJ. I’m so sorry I’m late.”
My head snaps up to see Zack, cheeks pink and face sweaty. I can’t say anything because my mouth hangs open—I close my eyes for a few seconds and open them to make sure I’m not dreaming.
“Where were you?” I ask, my voice cracking with anger and sadness.
Zack takes a deep breath, running his hands through his messy hair. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. It’s a long story, and I’ll tell you every detail but first, let me tell you what I was going to say on the beach.”
“Why didn’t you call? Text? You fucking just left me out there, and then I was panicking that something was wrong. That something happened to you.” I put a finger in his chest.
Zack slowly reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone, the screen smashed, and a piece of glass falls off it as he places it on the table.
“I dropped my phone, and then I didn’t know your phone number. I only know three numbers: my mom, dad, and Riley,” he rambles, and his words are quick and chaotic. “I need to memorize yours; well, I guess that depends on how this next part goes.” He rubs his neck and looks at me.
The way his eyes find mine, it’s like they’re begging me to listen.
“I would’ve called you. I swear,” he pleads and leans forward, his hands on his legs. “I want the chance to memorize your phone number.”
I believe him.
I take a deep breath, cross my arms, and sit back in my chair. “Go on. Tell me,” I say, unsure how to feel. I was so caught up in wondering what happened to Zack that I didn’t think about what would happen if he just showed up.
“Emilie James, I don’t think there’s a day that’s gone by since I’ve met you that I didn’t want you. Even if I tried to hide it, or convince myself you were too good for me, or that you’d never be interested… there’s no denying it, I’ve always wanted you.”
His voice is firm but quick, like he’s grateful to get this off his chest. With each word, his shoulders relax and he leans closer.
“And when you showed that you might want me, the way I wanted you—when you broke your rules—that’s when I knew I was a goner. I’m long gone for you.”
It’s like I’m wearing a shell made of ice and each word that comes out of his mouth chips away, little by little.
“I promise, I will tell you everything about today. I won’t leave out a single thing. One, because you deserve it, and two, because I need you. When I look at challenges or things that I must get through, you’re someone I want by my side. In more ways than one…”
Zack starts unbuttoning his shirt.
“What the hell are you doing?” I put my hand on his, already cruising through the buttons on the middle of his shirt.
He has the audacity to smile and say, “Relax, I’ll put it right back on.”
Zack finishes the buttons and then takes off half his shirt.
“I don’t get it. What’s happening?”
And then he lifts up his arm, showing me the side of his ribcage. Right there, literally on his side, are the letters EJ.
He has my initials tattooed on him.
“When? How?” I can’t string together a sentence and it feels like my eyes might fall out of my head.
“When we were at Pulse and Needle. We talked about doing what felt right. This felt right.” He points to his tattoo. “And this,” he points between the two of us, “has always felt right.”
Zack puts his arm back in his sleeve, and I can’t help but throw my arms around him. His hands hold my lower back, pressing me to him. I pull back far enough that I can see those blue eyes, piercing and intense, like ocean waves crashing on the beach.