Page 85 of This Broken Heart

But still, it doesn’t feel great.

56.

Josh

Farmers don’t get Christmas vacation.

Not this farmer, anyway.

Now that dad’s retired, my load has doubled. There’s equipment to power wash and put away. That old planter needs some maintenance before Spring.

And then, there’s the cattle.

It’s calving season.

Which means those old girls need constant supervision.

Cattle did not evolve to live on these plains. They’re not exactly smart about winter. Bison are built for the snow. They know how to handle harsh Midwestern weather.

Cattle? Not so much.

If bison weren’t so damn dangerous to handle, I’d switch in a heartbeat. But unless I decide I’m fine with being gored by a bison horn, I’ll stick to cattle for the time being.

My mom pinch hits for Erin while she takes a few days off. Erin planned to spend time with her friends back in Lincoln. She’s got a whole life outside of us, but it’s hard to picture.

And when she’s gone, there’s an obvious absence.

We fall back into old routines. The kids adjust to having grandma back, but are quick to point out that she’s not doing things right.

Cuts the sandwiches the wrong way.

Puts socks on right side out when Erin knows to put them on inside out so they don’t bother Trace’s toes.

A few days seem like eons, and we’re all thankful when she comes back on New Year’s Eve.

With the cornfields shorn from harvest, I can see for miles in any direction. I spot her car making its way down the snow-packed gravel road and head over in the truck to meet her at the house.

My boots crunch in the snow as I walk over to open her car door. She lets me help her out of the car, putting her small hand in my gloved paw.

“You could have spent New Year’s Eve with your friends.” I say this, but I’m so grateful she didn’t.

She shrugs, glancing up at the house. “It’s always a let-down.”

“Do you usually go out?”

“Every year. My friends think a bar crawl is the only way to go. If I had my way, we’d go to the Karaoke bar and just hunker down.”

I pull a face.

She laughs. “Not a fan of karaoke?”

“Not even a little.” I shove my hands in the pockets of my canvas jacket. “We’re all glad to have you back.”

“I was getting a little bored at home. Besides, I overheard Bo and Dusty talking about the big party in Clark. I figured you’d want to go.”

“I’d feel guilty partying it up knowing you gave up your holiday so I could go out.”

“That’s what nannies are for.”