Page 87 of Daring Destiny
I’ve always respected Cillian’s advice, even when I didn’t want to hear it. He’s been through his own share of ups and downs, and he knows what it’s like to lose everything and try to build himself back up too. So when he told me not to give up, it stuck with me. He reminded me of something I’d lost sight of.
Love isn’t just about the good times. It’s about fighting through the hard ones, too.
The next day, I went back to Astrid’s houseboat and left a note under the mat, telling her I’d be at the reunion and I’d wait for her there if she wanted to talk. It wasn’t much, but it was all I could think to do. I just needed her to know I was still here, still fighting for us, even if it felt like I was swinging at shadows.
I also paid into the earnest money on our house to obtain an extension on the house closing, citing a personal emergency. The sellers were annoyed, but I put money where my mouth was. There was no way I could buy a place without her. No way I was losing it when we work things out.
When, not if.
I’m manifesting our reconciliation.
It’s hard to stay positive, though. Everything feels so fragile. Like one wrong move will make it all fall apart for good.
My mind kept rewinding to the morning before the dinner, where we made love and talked about turning the house into our home. I was so sure nothing could ever tear us apart.
Now, I know different. Thanks to me, once again our life together is hanging by a thread and I’ll do anything to stop the unraveling.
“Brennan?” Astrid waves her hand in front of my face. “Did you comprehend what I said?”
Her beautiful face snaps back into focus and I stare at her, slack jawed. Finally, I clear my throat, and try to form a coherent sentence. My words come out rough. “It’s for sure? You’re pregnant?”
Astrid nods, biting her lip as she searches my face for something,anything.
“Yeah, B.” She rubs her flat belly. “I took a test. Well, about ten tests. Every single one of them confirms it.”
There’s a tiny, irrational part of me that’s almost relieved. We’re tied together forever now and at least she’s here talking to me, instead of shutting me out like she has for the past few weeks. I shove the thought aside because, damn it, this is huge. I’m always gonna fight for her. Now I have every reason to double down—our child.
“I’m overwhelmed, but so happy. I can’t even…” I manage to catch my breath. “When did you find out?”
“Yesterday.” She glances down at her shoes. “I haven’t been feeling well for a while. I thought it was just stress. Heartbreak. I’ve been a mess since…and it didn’t occur to me because, well, as you know I use an IUD for birth control.” She sucks in a whistle, like she still can’t believe it herself. “Then I bought a shit ton of tests and,well… Here we are.”
“Have you been to a doctor? Is everything okay?” I can see how scary this is for her now. The last thing I want is to make it worse.
“No, I have an appointment in a couple days.” She runs a hand through her hair. “I’ve been doing some internet medical sleuthing and the odds of me getting pregnant are so miniscule. You seem to have super sperm. Right now, the scariest part is the IUD. They’re going to remove it, otherwise there’ll be risks to our baby.” She hesitates, like she’s not sure if she should say the next part, but she steels her resolve. “Brennan, I want this. Badly. I hope you do too.”
“Of course I do.” These words come out easy. The rest do not. “I’m sorry. So, so sorry, A. For everything. For not listening, for going behind your back—”
“I know,” she interrupts. “You have to understand, this can’t happen again.Everagain. I told you not to dig around and you did it anyway. Without even thinking about the consequences. You found out things about me I didn’t know. Why did you do it?”
“I wanted you to have your family.” I shake my head sadly, recognizing how stupid I’ve been. “You’ve been so incredibly supportive of me through all of my bullshit, I wanted to be the one to give you something you could hold on to. I didn’teverwant to hurt you.”
Astrid is still conflicted. “I know you didn’t mean to hurt me, but itdidhurt, B. It’sdevastating. Do you know what’smoredevastating? The fact you didn’t respect my boundaries. You took my choice away.” Her eyes search mine. “Then, if that wasn’t enough, the icing on the cake was dropping this bombshell in front of your entire family, like it was no big thing. I’m completely mortified. How can I face them ever again?”
I cringe, remembering how it all unraveled at dinner. The shock on Astrid’s face. The stunned silence at the table.
“I screwed up. What I did was inappropriate.” I caress her cheek. “I don’t expect you to just forgive me because you’re pregnant. I’m willing to do whatever it takes. I love you, A. I’ll never stop loving you. Or our child.”
She looks away and I can see the tears welling up in her eyes. “It’s not so simple. There’s so much we haven’t dealt with, so much we still need to figure out. And now...this.” She gestures to her stomach and her voice catches. “I’m scared, B. I’m scared of what it means. Of what it will change.”
“We’ll figure it out together.” I mean the words with everything I have. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m all in. I’m not running away from this. From you.”
She blinks. A single tear slips down her cheek. I want to reach out and wipe it away, but I hold back, not wanting to push her.
“You’re not getting off easy.” She manages a hint of a smile. “I’m still mad at you and we have a lot to work through. But I love you. I love our baby. I want the life we were planning and appreciate you’re willing to be there for us.”
A wave of relief washes over me, even though I know this is the beginning of a much longer conversation. “I’ll do whatever it takes. We can go to counseling. We can start over. We can close on our house. Whatever you need. Please don’t shut me out again.”
“Okay.” She nods. That one little world feels like a lifeline. “We’re going to have to take this one step at a time. You’ve dropped a bomb on me and I’m still not sure how to handle it.”