Page 16 of Shock & Awe

“Does it matter?” Nick asked neutrally.

Kelly held his breath, considering. “Yes?”

“Okay.”

Kelly smiled. Of course Nick would just accept it and proceed to try to find a solution. That was the way Nick was. That was the way they both were, to an extent, which often led to a distinct absence of gnashing of teeth and wailing between them when problems arose.

Nick gripped the railing with both hands. “Part of the excitement of attraction is knowing it’s reciprocated, right?”

Kelly nodded. “We found out last night that we, um . . .”

“Reciprocate,” Nick provided. They both grinned, meeting each other’s eyes. The warmth and excitement of new attraction were bolstered by years of history. Years of camaraderie. Years of comfort. It was something entirely new, and it was something that just felt right.

Kelly inhaled sharply as the realization hit him. “This would be so easy.”

Nick bit his lip, not responding. Instead he reached out and ran his fingers over Kelly’s wrist.

“God, O, this would be so easy,” Kelly said more emphatically. He moved carefully and leaned on the railing beside Nick. “You and me? Just . . . can you imagine?”

Nick gave that a low whistle and nodded. He raised his head, the smile gone. “I can imagine. I’m trying not to, though.”

“Why?”

“A few weeks ago you almost died,” Nick said, his voice gone rough. “Your view of the world has shifted.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I’ve almost died a couple times, Kels. I remember what it’s like to . . . to realize you’re still here when you shouldn’t be.”

Kelly swallowed hard and nodded. He remembered the weeks of desperate searching when Ty and Nick had gone missing. He remembered how it had felt, trying to accept that they were gone and he’d never been able to say good-bye, to tell them what they both meant to him. He’d written letters to their families. They’d never been mailed, thank God, but he’d still sobbed while writing them.

He remembered the day he’d seen a transport truck roll into camp with Ty and Nick laid out in the back, thinking they were dead. He and Owen had climbed into that truck faster than the lieutenant had been able to order them away. Kelly’d found the pulse at Nick’s neck and wanted to throw up with relief.

His stomach lurched and he turned his hand over to grasp Nick’s fingers. Nick squeezed Kelly’s hand as if he knew what he was thinking, what he was recalling.

“Before last night, you’d never even considered kissing another man, much less whatever’s in your head now,” Nick continued.

“That’s not entirely true. I’d thought about it. Just never seriously. Or while sober.”

“Still. You’re in uncharted territory. It would be easy. Us.”

Kelly looked up.

“Just sex is one thing. I think we could manage that and not lose each other. But talking about anything else right now would be . . .”

“Crazy?” Kelly asked.

Nick smiled.

“You’re right.”

“I know,” Nick said with a grin.

Kelly barked a laugh. “Shut up. Hear me out, though. Okay?”

Nick picked up Kelly’s hand and held it, his fingers playing with Kelly’s. He nodded.

Kelly tore his eyes away from their hands to examine Nick’s profile. “We know each other better already than we could ever hope to know anyone else. Our pasts, our hopes and fears, all our secrets. We’ve already shared all that. We know we’re compatible. Hell, we even know we can live together.”