Page 17 of Shock & Awe
“That’s debatable,” Nick mumbled. He gave Kelly a sly grin.
“Shut up. At least you already know all my bad habits, right?”
“Like licking the germs off a spoon and putting it back in the drawer?”
“I only did that once,” Kelly mumbled. “But you know I love M&M’s in my pancakes. I know you eat French fries with ranch instead of ketchup and that you steal the marshmallows out of Lucky Charms when you think no one’s looking.”
Nick began to laugh.
“You know I squeeze the toothpaste from the middle, and I know you used to go behind me with one of those tube squeezers every morning and fix it so no one else would get mad at me. And I know you wake up in the middle of the night sometimes so terrified you don’t even recognize your own name. And I know the only people you’ll let spend the night in bed with you are people you know can fight you off if you try to hurt them.”
Nick’s eyes had gone wider, and he fought to swallow as Kelly spoke. He looked vulnerable, something Nick rarely seemed, and Kelly wanted to wrap him in a hug.
“Sometimes I wake up screaming too,” Kelly whispered. “But I never have when I was sharing a bed with you. And after last night we know there’s a whole lot to work with below the belt, you know what I mean?”
Nick nodded and looked down, smiling. Kelly reached for him, grabbing his chin and forcing him to meet his eyes to make sure Nick heard him.
“This could work out pretty nice for both of us, Nicko. I’ve never been with anyone where it was so easy so fast. Where it felt like home. But you’ve always been home to me.”
Nick’s eyes caught the sunlight and almost made Kelly forget what he’d been saying.
“Kelly,” Nick tried. His voice faltered, and he had to stop to swallow.
“I’ve already got more with you than I’ve ever had anywhere,” Kelly said in a rush, trying to beat Nick to whatever he’d been about to say. He took a deep breath to calm himself. “And after last night?”
“It would be easy.” Nick sighed and ran his thumb along Kelly’s knuckles.
Kelly dropped his hand away from Nick’s chin. “But you’re still going to say no, aren’t you?”
“I will never say no to you,” Nick said, his voice soft.
“Is it this guy you’re not dating?”
“Aidan,” Nick provided, trying not to laugh. “We’re not dating, but not for lack of trying.”
Jealousy spiked so quickly that Kelly barely recognized the feeling. “I don’t understand what that means.”
“He’s a fireman. Our first date, a warehouse caught fire,” Nick explained. “He left me at the fire station. Do you have any idea the rivalry between cops and firefighters in Boston? I’m surprised I didn’t end up duct-taped to the fire pole or something.”
Kelly began to laugh, biting his lip to stop himself.
“The second first date, there was a triple homicide and I had to leave him sitting in my squad car for two hours. He got into the back to take a nap, and didn’t realize the doors would lock behind him.”
Kelly began to laugh despite how much he hated the idea of Nick dating anyone. Nick chuckled softly, shaking his head.
“We decided that ‘dates’ weren’t good for the city after that, so we didn’t try again.”
“So you’re basically fuck buddies.”
Nick shrugged noncommittally, glancing away.
“So why are you saying no to me?”
Nick sighed loudly. “What I’m saying right now is wait.”
Kelly’s shoulders slumped. The disappointment was sharper than he’d expected. “Wait?”
“Wait. Until you’re better. Until all of this isn’t shiny and new. Until life feels normal for you again.”