Page 83 of Shadow Wings
Tyrrik didn’t have time to answer as we neared the ground. I pulled away to give him space to land safely with Dyter, but fury gnawed in my chest. I landed and immediately shifted back to Phaetyn. My power in Phaetyn form was limited, but I didn’t trust my Drae with the explosive emotions racking me while Dyter was closeby.
I began to pace the rocky mountain, breathing hard as I waited for Tyrrik to change back. How could he hidethatfrom me? Did he really think I was going to give him any more power to manipulateme?
Turns out I couldn’t wait for him to change back. I stomped over to the onyx Drae and screamed, “Were you even going to tell me before I pushed energy intoyou?”
As soon as I was within striking distance, I slapped his scaled hide as hard as I could and then shouted up at him. “Do you want to know why I can’t decide if I want to be your mate?” I asked, gulping air, chest heaving. “It’s because you treat me like a freakin’ sheep! I’m not here to be herded. I’m not here to baa and be ignored.” My hand was smarting, but I whacked his haunch again. “I don’t want to be controlled! I don’t want to be part of agame.”
Tyrrik growled and swiped me up in his claw. I fell on my behind and got to my feet in a furious blur. In his clutches, I gripped two of his talons and stared through them to where he’d brought his great Drae face down. His inky eyes regardedme.
“We’re not in the castle anymore, Tyrrik,” I said. I made to squeeze my eyes shut, to hide the hurt as I’d done with Tyrrik so often. But hiding my pain from him wasn’t helping me or him. He needed to know so he could understand. I kept my eyes open and stared into his black gaze. I let my barrier drop, allowing him to see and feel how much I hurt inside from what he’d just done. “We’re not in the castle anymore,” I repeated in a whisper. “Please stop acting like you’re still under the Blood Oath. Hiding things from me won’t keep you or me safe. You hated being controlled.” I blinked, and the tears spilled over the corners of my eyes. “I hate being controlled,too.”
His eyes widened, and in a blink, he set me on the ground. The air shimmered for only a moment before Tyrrik unfolded from acrouch.
“Ryn,” he began, reaching out ahand.
I couldn’t even look at him. I let the tears drip down my cheeks as I turned and walkedaway.
30
The mountaintop was toosmall to storm very far from Lord Tyrrik, and I eyed the next peak longingly. Our space had a sparse collection of low trees which would offer minimal veiling from aerial eyes while we slept, but there wasn’t anything betternearby.
I kept my back to the Drae and stared out over the mountains. In the distance, the range abruptly stopped and then picked back up, making the start of Gemond’s realm clear. We were likely a few days away if we walked, an hour if we flew—which we would be doing. I had wings now, and I planned to use them for every little thing I could. I stared in the direction of Gemond, listening to Dyter and Tyrrik settling down for the night behind me. I stared until my heart rate settled and I wasn’t seeing red anymore. I probably shouldn’t face Tyrrik yet with my temper simmering just belowboiling.
Judging by Tyrrik’s slow even breaths, he was asleep already. Kicking him a few times to let him know how I felt was tempting, but Ryn the Peacemaker held me back, curse her. I’d wait until he woke up again and kick him then. Ryn the Peacemaker seemed to be just fine withthat.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, letting the scent of pine and crisp mountain air ground me though the faint smell of old smoke interrupted the serenity I was trying toachieve.
“Did he lie to you?” Dyter whispered as he approached, unaware his lumbering gait was plenty loud enough to wake the Drae. Though . . . Tyrrik looked pretty out of it after flying allday.
I kept my eyes closed and released a slow breath. “No. Not really. Tyrrik isn’t an outright liar. He deceives byomission.”
Dyter brushed needles and bits of dried vegetation off a flat rock before taking a seat. He patted the space next to him. “That doesn’t make it any easier than a true lie when you’re on the receiving end. Not in myexperience.”
I snorted. “Understatement of the year.” I sat down next to him and leaned into the familiar warmth of his thick body. “Is this where you’re going to give me sage advice that will solve all myproblems?”
I’d meant the words as a joke, but in truth, Ididwant him to tell me what I should do. My mind felt cloudy and thick with the churning in my head. How had I ever craved adventure? Adventure sucked big time. I wanted to go to the girl I’d been and have a serious talking-to with her, maybe smack her around a bit. Dwelling on what-ifs wasn’t really in my nature, but right now, I couldn’t help thinking that if I could change one decision in my past, I would do it in aheartbeat.
“I’ve never pretended to have the answers for you. You’ll have to live with whatever decisions you make, not me. There are plenty of decisions that still haunt me, most especially when I’m worn out. But, my girl, in the morning, things won’t look quite sobad.”
“That’s all you’ve got?” I chuckled darkly. “Get a good night’s sleep? I feel like my life’s being decided for me, but I should just have a kip?” My eyes were heavy as was my heart. I knew it was too much to demand advice, especially on something he couldn’t truly understand. But he wasDyter.
He took a breath, and my body was moved by his inhalation and then again as heexhaled.
Dyter cleared his throat, and I peeled my eyelids open to give him myattention.
“I’m not going to tell you how to sort this out with Lord Tyrrik; that’s between the two of you. But I want you to have an honest think about this mate business from all angles. I know,” he said, holding up his hand to stop my interruption, “I don’t understand all of it. I don’t even want to. But have a think. You didn’t get to choose your mum either, right? You didn’t get to choose who she was, but you did choose to love her though you didn’t have a choice initially because you knew she was yours and she knew you werehers.”
I bristled. “You’reover—”
“Oversimplifying, I know,” he said with a wave. “I’m not saying you should be okay with deceit. That breeds distrust, and distrust will destroy any partnership or alliance: mated pairs, businesses, orkingdoms.”
I frowned as I thought through his words. “So you think Ishould—”
Dyter shook his head. “I’m not telling you what you should do. I want you to think, Ryn. You need to have realistic expectations of what might happen between the pair of you, and be clear on what you want.” He turned and looked at me. “I’m going to oversimplify again, okay?” When I nodded, he continued, “Think of how many times in a single day you told your mum you weresorry.”
I grimaced. Not nearlyenough.
“Love doesn’t mean you’re perfect. Loving someone doesn’t mean you don’t screw up. In fact, I’d say the more you love someone, the more time you spend with that someone, the more you’re going to have to say you’re sorry. Love means you say sorry sooner because when you realize you’ve hurt someone you truly love, you want to do whatever you can to make itright.”