Page 46 of Fifty
I’m sure I was quite the sight when Mom and Dad first brought me home. I think I cried for twenty-four hours straight, if not a little longer. My face was swollen and red and the tears came back every time I thought about him, which was more often than not. I can’t even imagine what Ali thought had happened when she first saw me.
“Do you think you’ll see him again? I mean not intentionally, but what if you bump into him,” she inquires.
“I don’t think our paths will cross again. Really, if it hadn’t been for me working at the diner, I probably never would’ve even met him. And since I won’t be working there when I go back, I honestly doubt I’ll ever see him again,” I answer, and as the words leave my lips a new level of pain radiates through me. The thought of never seeing him again is excruciating.
“But he’s like part of a club, right? So, aren’t there a whole bunch of them?” she starts to probe.
“Yeah, but I’m not worried about it,” I tell her, now lying through my teeth.
I really don’t think I’ll see any of the Savages, but I’m not sure how I’ll hold up if I do. In my brain I know I have to try to be strong, but the twisting feeling in the pit of my stomach isn’t really giving me much confidence. But I can’t hide forever.
Ali quiets for a minute, flipping through one of her many bridal magazines, and it gives me the chance to pick at my muffin and try to take a few sips of coffee. I’ve spent so much time over the past few weeks thinking about what I could’ve or should’ve done differently, and feeling guilty for not telling him about my job at the club. But it’s impossible to go back and change it. The only thing I can do is move forward.
I am really going to miss Ali though. Reconnecting with my sister is definitely a perk that’s come out of this mess. We’ve spent a lot of quality time together binge-watching shows on Netflix and late nights talking about love and marriage and her wedding plans.
“You should come visit me in Rock Hill, once I get set up in my new place. Maybe you can help me figure out my way around campus,” I suggest.
“I have a better idea. You could take me to that club you worked at,” her eyes light up and her cheeks flush.
“No way. You are way too young and innocent for that place. Plus, there aren’t any male dancers,” I remind her with a laugh.
“I’m only three years younger than you, and I’m a year older than you were when you left,” she returns.
She’s been trying to get me to tell her more about the Foxx DDen since she heard Mom and Dad whispering about it. I decided not to keep it from her at that point, but I also wasn’t going to glamorize it. And no way in hell would I ever take her there.
“I still can’t believe you worked at a place like that,” she says.
“Me neither…” I breathe.
Working at a strip club was definitely nothing I ever planned or aspired to do, but my background in dance and the possibility of easy money made it an attractive option at the time. I always tried to focus on the dancing, but I never felt like I really belonged on that stage.
“Good morning,” Mom offers brightly as she walks into the kitchen.
“Morning, Mom,” Ali and I speak in unison as she reaches into the cabinet for a travel mug and lifts the carafe, pouring herself a fresh cup of coffee.
“Jade, are you almost ready to hit the road? We should probably get going soon so we don’t miss the flight,” she announces and I know she’s right.
“Yeah, I’m ready. I packed last night, so I only have a couple small things to throw in my bag,” I answer, standing and setting my dishes in the sink.
Ali stands, meeting me beside the sink.
“I have to go meet Tommy so we can talk about flowers and cake flavors, so you better hug me now,” she smiles, her voice faltering as her arms open to me.
“Don’t do that,” I whisper against her hair as I wrap my arms around her back. “I promise it’ll only be a few weeks. If you don’t come visit, then I’ll make a trip back here,” I tell her.
She hugs me tight for a few seconds before letting go, and I release her. She turns quickly, retrieving her stack of magazines before disappearing from the room. I know she’s afraid that I’ll go back to Rock Hill and be lost in the wind again, but I won’t let that happen. Coming back home and reconnecting with my family has made me realize just how much I was missing, and I don’t want to take the chance of losing them again.
Thirty
Fifty
Ipress my throbbing head against the cool surface of the bar. I drank way too fucking much last night. And the whiskey wasn’t even the worst of it. I’m completely disgusted with myself as some of the sick shit I did last night flashes through my mind. I swallow hard, holding down the sick feeling bubbling in the pit of my stomach.
It’s no secret, I’ve been off the fucking rails for weeks. It started the day I went to the diner. Gloria told me Jade was gone. She went back home to Georgia, and it sent me straight off the tracks.
But last night I was a whole new level of asshole. I keep seeing Ayla’s face and remembering the shit I said to her. I’m lucky Kane hasn’t shown up to beat my ass.
“You alive there, brother?” Mickey’s voice catches my attention. I offer a grunt in response, but can barely lift my head to look at him.