Page 52 of Fifty
“What are you doing with yourself the rest of the day? Do you need a ride somewhere?” she offers.
“No, but thank you. My car is just down the street. I had to run in the bookstore before breakfast,” I share.
“A reader, that’s good,” she tips her head in approval.
“Kind of. I was actually picking up a couple books I need for a class I’m starting next week, but I did also grab one to read for fun while I was in there,” I tell her. Now that all my nights are free, I needed something to do other than watch TV. I grabbed a silly romance novel to try to disappear into. I’ve never been a big reader, so I’ll see how far I make it.
“Well, it sounds like you’re heading in a good direction. I won’t hold you up any longer. It was really nice seeing you again,” she opens her arms, giving me a gentle squeeze, and I feel the emotion catch in my throat.
“Thank you,” I whisper before turning and starting to walk down the sidewalk towards my car.
One small tear manages to escape, trickling down my cheek as I close my car door. I swipe it away quickly with the back of my hand. I need to hold it together for a little longer. I’ve made it this far without breaking down and I refuse to let any more tears fall until back in the privacy of my new home.
I shift into reverse and back slowly from my parking space. Starting to drive, I notice that Penny is only a few car lengths ahead of me. She’s in a different lane, going straight, but I need to turn at the upcoming intersection.
My car inches forward, waiting patiently for the light to change, and my mind starts to replay everything that Penny said to me. I watch as the center light turns green and the cars beside me start to move forward. My directional ticks away, making the incessant clicking noise as I continue to wait my turn.
From my peripheral vision I see a blur of silver. A car moving on the right, but they’re going too fast. They must have a red light, but they’re going too fast. Are they going to stop?
The scene unfolds in slow motion in front of me. My hands grip the steering wheel, helpless to stop it as the silver car barrels forward, slamming at full speed into the passenger side of Penny’s car as she moves forward through the green light. Her car spins, completing two full circles before finally coming to a stop at the far corner of the large intersection.
“Noooo,” my voice rings out, breaking the stunned silence filling my car.
Thirty-Two
Fifty
Istep outside, letting the cool night air wrap around me as I pull out my pack of smokes. I light one and inhale deeply, letting the smooth smoke fill my lungs. It’s only our first night in New Hampshire, but I already need a minute alone.
For months, I’ve watched my brothers, two of my best friends get closer to their women. First Ryder, our God damn president, shacks up with Cora and gets engaged, and now they’re actually planning a fucking wedding. And today, Kane proposed to Ayla. Honestly, I saw that shit coming from a mile away, but somehow it still rocked me. The fucker even brought her back home and managed to get her dad’s blessing. My whole world is changing. And I couldn’t be happier for them, but it just serves as a reminder of how fucking alone I am.
I had it in my grasp and I let it fall away. It was perfect, but in an instant, it was gone. The look on Jade’s face the last time I saw her still haunts me every night. The things I said and the way I left her standing there; I ruined any hope of what we could have had together. I won’t share the same path as my brothers.
I take a long drag and let the smoke seep back out my nostrils, clouding the air around me. I lift my phone from my pocket and tap my finger against the screen, waking it. I swipe, quickly finding the couple pictures I saved of her.
Fuck.
She’s beautiful, there’s no doubt about it. Her soft smile and sparkling green eyes shining back at me are a vision. There’s no way in hell she’ll ever look at me like that again, but I can’t seem to stop torturing myself. My thumb hovers over the little trash can icon, tempting me to delete them and finally be done for good. But I swipe across the screen, closing it instead. I’m not ready for that yet.
I finish my smoke before turning back towards the party raging inside the High Octane Saloon, one of our favorite places to visit during the annual bike week in New Hampshire. It’s an endless good time; bikes, booze, and girls. There’s not much more you could ask for during a rally. That said, I think it’s time for a stiff drink, and whatever else it’s going to take to help me forget, at least for tonight.
My boots feel heavy as they lead me back towards the party, but my phone vibrates in my pocket, stopping me in my tracks. Anyone who would be calling or texting is here with me, except Ma…or Jade, but I know that’s just wishful thinking. Pulling it from my pocket, I find a number I don’t recognize. I swipe it away, ignoring it. I slide it back into the depths and set my sights back on the door, needing to find the bar.
Minutes later I have a drink set in front of me. I wrap my fingers around the cold glass of Jack and Coke. I lift it to my lips, letting my eyes move casually around the room, inspecting my prospects for the night. Just as my eyes fall on a hot little number at the end of the bar, I feel my phone vibrating against my hip again.
What the fuck?
I pull it out, finding the same number from a few minutes ago. It’s way to fucking loud in this place to answer, so I take my glass and step back outside.
“Yeah,” I answer harshly once I’m clear from most of the noise.
“Uh…yes, is this Benjamin Decker?” a stiff sounding voice asks.
“Yeah, who’s this?” I return.
“This is Doctor Jacobs. I’m calling from Piedmont Medical Center. I have your name as the emergency contact for Penelope Decker he replies, and I feel my knees start to buckle.
“Yeah…yeah, I’m her son. Is my ma okay?” I ask, as the panic starts to take hold.