Page 46 of Knot a Bad Idea

I can’t go back inside, even though the fighting has stopped, and all is quiet.

Instead, I kneel in the dirt, desperate to catch my breath and slow my rapid heart.

I wait for April to return.

I wait for Donovan to get it together.

I wait.

And wait.

9

DONOVAN

Hunter split my lip,and in turn, I gave him a black eye.

The fucker deserved it—he doesn’t realize I did this forus.

I did the right thing by letting April know that she doesn’t belong in our world, but I didn’t anticipate it happening at the event.

I didn’t know she heard my words to Steven until I caught a whiff of her scent and followed her out into the rain.

I said we were just having fun with her, but I don’t even know the fucking definition offun.

The closest I would say I’ve had to that is watching April light up when we play those ridiculous board games.

Or when I sketch her secretly, unable to keep my thoughts from her.

I stare at myself in the mirror.

I look like absolute shit.

I haven’t slept since she left, and the circles under my eyes are prominent and ghoulish.

My stubble looks more like a beard than just a five o'clock shadow, and my skin is sickeningly pale.

Fuck.

I said everything wrong.

It’s not that she’s not good for us— she’stoogood for us, but I couldn’t tell her that.

It’s better if she believes the lie.

I glance at my phone, checking her location.

She’s back at work.

She doesn’t know she’s shared her location with me permanently—but I’m doing it to make sure she’s safe.

It’s not stalking.

This is different.

If I was stalking, I would have nefarious intentions.

If this was stalking her, I wouldn’t be pushing her away and letting her believe she’s not good for us.