Page 40 of Saving Grace

“Granny, who you chastising now?” A small voice came from under the hoodie.

“Your daddy’s friend.”

“Oh, is he here? I thought you weren’t going to call him until morning. I guess I won’t be getting them cookies you promised.”

“You’re worrying about the wrong things again, but maybe he’ll let you spend the night with me or maybe he’ll buy you some cookies.”

“I like options,” he responded

“His daddy's friend?” Maybe she was confused I thought until the little boy she was holding turned to face me. He rubbed a little fist across his closed eyes. When they popped open my heart nearly stopped.

“You gonna buy me some cookies or can I go home with Granny tonight and make ‘em myself? I prefer going with Granny. I like them hot and fresh.” The boy stared at me awaiting an answer. Raw emotion froze me. I couldn’t focus on anything but my eyes staring back at me.

“Oluwa mi o” Tanks booming voice brought me out of the haze I was in. He never took the lords name in vain name. The fact that he had confirmed that he was seeing what I was seeing.

He’d moved from the chair and stood behind me gawking.

The boy, my son snapped twice in my face like the lady had done earlier.

“Are you buying me cookies or not?”

Tank spoke up.

“If he doesn’t I will. “

Ms. Joyce shook her head. “I knew this was going to be awkward, but I didn’t think you go dumb on me.”

“Did you call me Daddy?”

“You are my daddy ain’t you?” The boy responded. He climbed out of the lady’s lap and came to stand in front of me. He cocked his head to the side, examined my face while I examined his. He looked just like me as a child, like my daughter Tori, but with a caramel skin tone.

I have a son with Grace. And she kept him from me. I could feel my anger rising, but it was doused out when my son spoke again.

"You got the same eyes, but I didn’t expect you to look this white, you didn’t look this white in the pictures.”

“Atticus, no. Your momma gon’ get you.” was. Joyce swatted at his arm before explaining to me. “You gotta excuse him, he says everything that comes to his mind. And he curses like a sailor, Grace blames it on me, but—"

Abruptly I stood up from the chair and rushed for the exit. I couldn’t breathe. I went numb

Soon as I made it outside the hospital I turned and punched the hospital wall over and over until I could feel something, until my fist was bloody.

The pain was welcomed. The anger that gripped me was not. I’d never in my life been so fucking angry. If Grace didn’t die, I would fucking kill her.

I turned and pressed my back against the wall and let myself slide down it. I didn’t want to cry or to rage. I wanted to celebrate my child, but Grace taken that chance away from me.

I heard someone push open the door. I assumed it to be Tank.

“Not right fucking now.”I barked.

I didn’t need one of his pep talks or African Proverbs. I just wanted him to leave me the fuck alone and let me process.

“I just came to walk the boy out safely, he insisted on speaking to you. You might want to chill out before you scare him though.”

My son spoke up. “I’m not scared of him.”

I turned towards his voice.

He stepped out from behind Tank.