Page 12 of Toxic Devotion

“Part of the job, I’m afraid.”

“Uh-huh.” He shook his head. “What else is ‘just a part of the job,’ then? Would you even tell me?”

When Neil fell silent, he climbed out of the man’s lap and got off the bed. His heart was warring with his brain. Of course, he’d known Neil would never truly be his. He couldn’t be. But his stupid heart hadn’t gotten the memo.

He walked to the open balcony door and stared out at the Inner Harbor. He’d always loved that view but, right then, it did nothing for him.

Why did his life have to be this complicated? Why did he have to go and be attracted to the one man who could never be fully his? Not that anyone truly could.

A sigh fell from his lips, and he dropped his head forward, eyes closing.

Arms wrapped around him from behind and his shoulders instantly shot up.

“I’m sorry,” Neil said, a slight tremble in his voice. “I want to know you. I want you to tell me everything and I’ve never wanted that from anyone before.”

Marco squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath before turning in Neil’s arms. He met the man’s gray gaze and felt his armor crumble.

“I’m not… used to this,” Neil said, fingers slipping into Marco’s hair. “Giving information freely isn’t exactly something I was taught to do.”

“That’s not something you should have to be taught.”

“I know.”

“We’re both completely fucked up, aren’t we?”

“I think that’s putting it mildly,” Neil said, a smile tugging at his lips.

“Can we make a deal?”

Neil’s brows jumped but he gave Marco a short nod.

He nibbled on his bottom lip for a second, then met Neil’s gaze. “Can we be fucked up together? Just the two of us?”

Neil tugged him closer, nose brushing against Marco’s before his lips touched the corner of Marco’s mouth in a barely-there kiss.

“There’s nothing I want more.”

Chapter Four

Marco

HIS LIFE was finally back on track. He had the Kings on his side, the Destroyers were on the outs, and his restaurant had taken off. The other side of his business was doing well, too. Then there was the other thing. The other person.

Getting to know Neil only made him want more and he wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or not. It certainly put them both in more danger. He’d never felt so connected to someone the way he did with Neil and even though it terrified him, he still kept coming back for more. They both did.

“You ready?”

He blinked and shook his head, then turned to find his sister standing by the front door with a big bouquet of lilacs in her arms.

He gave her a nod and followed her out the door. It was their mother’s birthday, and they always went to put flowers on her grave. She’d gotten sick so suddenly and no matter how much money his father threw at the doctors, there was nothing they could do. They couldn’t save her. He knew his father had blamed himself as much as the doctors. If he had to make an uneducated guess, he’d say that the man died of a broken heart. The guilt had probably eaten away at him, too. His father had been shut off in the three years between his and his wife’s death.

His mother never wanted the life the Serranos led, but she’d fallen in love with one anyway. He’d never doubted his parents’ love for each other, but they’d fought a lot. After she died, he’deven missed how she used to yell at his father. Her voice carried through the whole house, and he remembered vividly being a teenager and sitting at the top of the stairs with Alicia’s hand in his as they listened to their parents argue.

He never told his mother about his sexuality because his parents couldn’t keep secrets from each other, and he’d always feared his father’s reaction. Though not as much as his mother’s. He knew she would’ve had his back. She would’ve put herself between him and his father and he had never wanted to be the reason their relationship ended. He wasn’t sure he could’ve survived the guilt and shame of that.

Walking through the cemetery always gave him an eerie feeling. He felt as if the spirits were watching him. Judging him. For things that were out of his control. He always had to fight the urge to turn around and run out of there.

He followed Alicia from the path onto the grass. Their family had their own little plot in the cemetery. It had seven gravestones in it and Alicia put the flowers on the ground in front of the biggest one.