Page 67 of Toxic Devotion

“Marco, calm down,” Neil said, stepping closer.

“No. You need to fuck off. You don’t get a fucking say in my life, Neil. You fucked that up years ago. So don’t even try with me. I know where your loyalties lie and it’s certainly not with me.”

“What’s going on?” Rome asked.

He snapped his head toward Rome, trying and failing to hide his emotions.

“He’s not here for me. His priority is the fucking cartel ‘cause he’s working. Been working the whole time,” he said, the pain he felt slipping into his voice and making him that much angrier.

“That’s not the whole story and you know it,” Neil said with a shake of his head. “I love you, Marco. I would never use?”

“You’d better be gone by the time I get back,” he snapped and took off.

He needed the man out of his sight so he left the apartment, heading down the stairs to go outside and catch his breath before he did something stupid like shoot Neil. As much as he wanted to hurt the man, a part of him knew that he’d only be hurting himself more by doing so.

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Calming down had taken a while and now he wasn’t sure how to feel. He knew Neil’s job. He’d always known what Neil was, and he’d still let the man into his life. Could he really blame Neil for being who he was?

The thing he was most pissed about was that he wanted to believe Neil. He wanted to trust the man almost desperately. He wanted… things he couldn’t have. Things he shouldn’t have.

He took the elevator back up and dug out his keys. He opened the door and walked into the apartment, heading toward the living room. Neil was there, standing in front of the windows,back to Marco. Their eyes met in the reflection of the window, and he felt his heart skip a beat.

Neil turned around.

“I was already working on the cartel when Alvaro decided to hit you,” Neil said, a plea in his eyes to believe him.

He stared at Neil, shaking his head.

“How am I supposed to trust you?”

Neil’s lips pressed into a thin line, and he watched Marco closely for a few heartbeats, something unreadable in his eyes.

“It doesn’t matter what I do, does it?”

Neil’s words were so soft that he barely heard them but he sure as fuck felt them. Right in the fucking chest. He was frozen, feet unable to move, mouth unable to speak.

“You’ll never trust me again,” Neil said and squeezed his eyes shut. “You’ll never love me again.” Neil grabbed his keys off the coffee table and said, “I’ll always keep you safe, even if it’s from me.”

He walked past Marco, the smell of the man’s cologne hitting him with the force of a wrecking ball, and he had to blink back tears because along with that smell came an onslaught of memories. Good as well as bad.

He was angry. So, fucking angry. If Alicia had gone to him instead of Neil, she would’ve been alive and Neil would’ve still been his, body and soul. His heart would’ve been whole. He hated her as much as he hated Neil.

A sound escaped him. He wasn’t sure he’d ever heard something as miserable or as heartbroken before.

“Marco?”

He snapped his head up, finding Neil in the doorway, hesitating as worry covered his face.

“I can’t…” he gasped out, slowly crumbling to the floor.

Neil was there to catch him. Neil was always there to catch him.

Neil’s arms were wrapped tight around him as he sobbed, face buried in Neil’s chest.

“It’s okay,” Neil muttered.

But it wasn’t okay. Nothing was okay.