Page 86 of Shattered Hearts

Burying my face in my hands, I let the tears fall for a few minutes.

But I don’t have time for a full-fledged breakdown. People at the shelter count on me, and I have to get to work.

Shoving my toothbrush into my mouth, I brush hard, avoiding my puffy-eyed gaze in the mirror. I’ve failed myself yet again, and I’m too ashamed to own up to it.

Yet, a little voice in the back of my brain whispers,Was any of it real?

I can still hear the softness in his voice when he called meangel.See the look on his face when he pulled me down into his lap and held me close, as if he never wanted to let go.

Despite the way we constantly butt heads, he’s still the only person who ever thought I was worth protecting, the only person I called in my deepest distress…

A few more tears leak out while I continue brushing my teeth, and I have to take extra care to shove all of the emotion away. If I’m not careful, I’m going to fall for Finn Gallagher.

And that’s the worst possible thing I can do. Not just because he’s engaged to my sister. But because love is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Love has ruined my life. Every man I’ve ever tried to love has hurt and betrayed me. It’s a short list, but because of my father and because of Troy, I could have died so many times, in so many ways.

I swore off love for a reason. It’s poisonous to me. Love only blinds me, weakens me, and endangers my life. I never wanted to fall in love again. And certainly not with Finn. He’s too…complicated.

All my regret, shame, and disappointment calcify into resolve.

This is what I’m going to do. In order to salvage my sanity, I’m going to keep Finn at arm’s length until Harper gets back. It’s the only way. When I extract myself from the Gallaghers this time around, it’ll be for good.

Finished brushing my teeth, I apply minimal makeup, don an acceptable work outfit from Harper’s clothes, shove sensible shoes into my purse, and strap myself into a pair of her crazyheels. What does it matter if my feet are sore? Every other part of me is. My heart, my head, my muscles.

When I think about the way I clung to him while he pounded me, the way I moaned his name for hours? I have to cover my heated face and bite my lip to keep from crying again.

The best thing I can do for myself is get the hell out of here and go to work. Looking into a small mirror near Finn’s front door, I smile at my lifeless face and barely-put-together appearance. “No more stalling.”

My phone reads 8:42.

Dammit. I’m going to be so late, and I don’t even have a ride.

I want to scream.

My only goal is to leave the mansion for work, but problem after problem keeps cropping up in my mind. I feel fucking trapped.

Taxis are hard to catch in this neighborhood. Probably because the cabbies prefer not to serve people they suspect of being mobsters. Even if I sneak off the estate successfully, I’ll be late trying to hail a cab.

Next idea. There’s a whole garage of motor vehicles downstairs…Take one!

Can’t do that either. Harper never leaves the mansion without a driver. Leaving the estate without him or Finn would be odd. And I’m not sure my sister’s ever visited a women’s shelter in her life.

I don’t even know who her driveristhese days. And after the way Finn ghosted me this morning, I’m not calling him. Not until I absolutely have to. And maybe not even then.

I’ve also never taken a car from the garage downstairs. I have no idea how the system works. It would be just my luck if I set off a bunch of alarms and sent the compound into lockdown.

Of course, I could always ask Dear Old Dad for help. I’m sure he’d say no, primarily because helping me would come too dangerously close to acting like a decent father, and that deviates from his brand. Even if he would, I’d rather not owe him.

Not one single thing.

The other issue, which is the biggest and the most important one of all, is last time I was on my own, my psycho ex-boyfriend tried to murder me. The smart thing for me to do until the beef between the Gallaghers and Red Hill is settled is engage a security detail. But getting a detail isn’t possible, not without disclosing my true identity and Harper’s secret disappearance?—

Oof.

“Watch where you’re going.”

I fall out of my racing thoughts and blink up at Cian Mahoney. I wandered right into the man.

“Sorry about that.”