Page 87 of Cruel King

Leaning over, he kisses the top of my head. “You’re young, Ava. You shouldn’t even be thinking of sleeping at all at this age. Go out and have some fun, honey.”

I nod, knowing he’s right. The problem is I don’t know if I can have fun anymore. Even more, I don’t know if I deserve to have any fun after what I did.

Maybe if I took a walk I’d feel better.

Before he goes upstairs, I ask, “Dad, when I was away at Aunt Jessie’s, did I get any letters?”

He nods and grimaces. “I don’t know if what I did was right, but I wanted to save you from heartache. I hope you’ll understand.”

So Matthias did write to me.

“How many letters did he send, Dad?”

My father shakes his head. “I lost count, honey. I’m sorry.”

“Were there a lot?”

Looking down at the floor, he quietly answers, “Yeah.”

I don’t know what to say. I can’t be angry with my father, even though I hate that he worked so hard to make sure Matthias and I were never together. If only I knew how he felt all that time.

It feels like so much of my life recently has been if onlys.

“I wish you hadn’t done that, Dad. Those were my letters. I deserved to know about them.”

My father nods, and I see sadness in his face when he looks at me. “I’m sorry, Ava. I thought I was doing the right thing. I see now I was wrong.”

He walks up the stairs as I try to find something good that’s come from all that’s happened. But I can’t. Worst of all, the one person I’d talk to about everything isn’t there anymore.

After slipping on my flip flops, I head outside into the warm June night. The smell of honeysuckle in the air fills my nose, bringing back a million memories from all the times I spent playing on the estate. I try not to think of my longtime playmate because that just hurts too much. He’s off living his life, and I have to live mine.

Even if I don’t know how to move on.

I find myself up at the main house and notice the office light is still on. I walk in through the kitchen door and see that Eleanor has quit working for the day. I’m actually surprised Matthias has kept her on since it’s just him and Marius now, and his brother will probably be leaving soon.

Everyone has a life to get back to, it seems. Everyone but Matthias and me.

When I reach his office, he’s sitting behind the desk still dressed in his dark suit after a long day at work. I see he’s got a glass of whiskey in front of him, but he doesn’t seem to be doing much in the way of drinking it.

My father was right when he said Matthias had to give up more than any of his brothers. They get to come and go as they please, choosing what to do with their lives based entirely on what makes them happy.

But not him. He’s here running King Industries, even though I know he’d rather be doing something else. Like his art.

“Ava, is something wrong? Would you like to come in?” he asks, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I walk into his office and sit down on the black leather couch. I feel like I’m intruding. “My father told me he’s leaving to go enjoy retirement in a cabin by a lake in North Carolina. Do you have plans to move a new estate manager into the house any time soon?”

His father explicitly stated in his will that the house was to be ours for as long as we wanted to live there, but if Matthias intends on hiring a new estate manager to replace my father, then they’ll have to stay somewhere. I wouldn’t blame him if he said he needed me to find someplace else to live.

Matthias smiles and shakes his head. “No. I don’t intend on having an estate manager since all my brothers will be living elsewhere.”

“Would you be okay if I stayed then? It’s really the only home I’ve ever had, and I’d like to keep living there.” I stop and then add, “At least for a little while.”

For some reason, he looks surprised when I say that. “I thought you’d be in a hurry to leave once you got your inheritance.”

I shrug, knowing that’s probably what my father thought too. “I’m not sure what I want to do, to be honest. So I thought I’d stick around for a little while until I figure it out.”

Lifting his glass of whiskey to his lips, he takes a drink and swallows it so his Adam’s apple bobs up and down before he says, “Feel free to stay as long as you like, Ava.”