Page 24 of Forever Found

“Sorry,” I instantly apologized. I placed my hand over Kane’s on my thigh, not wanting him to think I didn’t feel safe with him. I did. My head just wasn’t in a good place right then. It was almost dawn and I hadn’t slept a wink all night. Kane and my brothers had tried everything to make me rest, but I was too afraid to close my eyes, knowing I would see either Adam bleeding out on that white step, or Eli laid unconscious and way too vulnerable on that plane. In either memory Bull was there too, and Max – the both of them mocking and taunting me with threats to break me all over again.

“It’s okay. We’re home now. Maybe you can finally get some sleep,” Kane suggested, but I just shook my head. I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to sleep again. My new nightmares and the unimaginable fear of losing someone I loved that came with them, were just an addition to the horror I usually relived on a nightly basis. Add to that my exhaustion, and the pain I was in with a thumping headache, and aches throughout my body, andI was just done. Finished. “You have to sleep, angel. You’ve been awake for almost twenty-four hours and before that you barely slept either,” Kane sighed.

“I don’t want to sleep. You know what I want,” I snapped at him.

“You can’t go to the hospital to see Adam like this, Addy. You’re barely staying upright when you stand. You know what you need to do before we go to the hospital.”

Yeah, I did. We’d already had this argument. Kane was resolved that he wouldn’t take me to visit Adam and see Jordan at the hospital until I got some rest and ate something substantial. Asher had been fully on board with the deal too, and even Eli had reluctantly agreed it would be for the best if I got some sleep. I’d really had no say in the matter and that had only made me even more irritable.

Didn’t any of them see how much I was breaking? Eating and sleeping weren’t an option. I was barely clinging to reality, only just clawing my way above the darkness within me that wanted to drag me into it’s depths. Seeing Adam and Jordan was the only ray of light that was making me even want to cling on. A part of me knew it would be so much easier to just check out and fall into that darkness. Holding myself up and out of it was taking strength I didn’t have.

“Fuck you Kane,” I rasped as I fought not to let tears slip free. I grabbed the handle to climb out of the back of the car, but Kane grabbed my hand and stopped me.

“Addy, I know….”

“No!” I cut him off. “You don’t know anything, Kane! Stop pretending you do! Stop trying to be some fucked up dad to me. I have never needed a parent in my entire life and I sure as helldon’t need or want one now either!” I raged as loud as my voice would allow. My throat was hoarse from crying and exhaustion, which stopped me from yelling as I wanted to.

I ripped my arm free of the lose grip Kane had on it and threw open the back door of the SUV. I slipped out and walked as steadily as I could towards the house. Home. It had been home before, but as I passed the step Adam had been bleeding out on – now bright white again and not a fragment of the horror that had happened there visible – I knew it could never feel like home again.

“Addy!” Asher called to me as I stormed past them in the entrance hall. Asher was helping Eli to pull off his coat and they both paused and stared at me as I passed them, trying my hardest not to meet their eyes.

“I’m going to take a shower,” I called behind me, not stopping or even slowing as I hit the stairs and headed up, praying my shaking legs would hold out long enough to get me safely locked inside my room.

I stumbled near the top, exhausted and pain radiating down my badly bruised back, but I stayed on my feet and just made it into my room, slamming the door closed behind me, just like the spoiled teen I was acting the part of.

I sank to the floor behind my door and brought my knees up to my chest, laying my head atop them as I burst into quiet sobs. I had been a complete bitch to Kane and my brothers, and I knew it, but I just didn’t even know what to do with myself. I was messed up after what had happened and the only thing I could see clearly was that I needed to see Adam and Jordan. I needed to see for myself in real life that Adam was doing okay, and I needed Jordan’s arms around me. I didn’t trulyknow that any of it would fix anything, but it was my one clear thought. Everything else was a mess of dark thoughts, terrifying memories, and truths I just didn’t want to face.

I forced myself to get up and head into my bathroom, setting the shower running hot. I knew allowing myself to just stop and cry was a sure fire way for me to truly let go and slip into the impending meltdown that I was on the very precipice of. I needed to keep moving long enough to get to Adam and check on him. Once I knew he was safe maybe the darkness would recede some, or maybe I’d just let it take me. Either way I needed to see Adam and no one was stopping me. I was a grown woman who made my own decisions before I found this new life. I could sure as hell still make my own decisions now too.

I raced through a shower, not allowing my thoughts to go any deeper than focusing on what I was doing. Once I felt cleaner and the blood and who knew what else was rinsed from the rats nest I called hair, I pulled on a clean pair of yoga pants and a soft sweater, then braided my wet hair. I tried not to linger in front of the mirror, knowing how terrible I looked and not needing to witness it any closer. I was pale and my face had some scratches across it from the window of the car exploding as Eli and I escaped. The lump on my head was still prominent so my braid was loose and messy, and my head hurt like hell from me washing my hair. But none of it mattered. I just had to get to Adam and Jordan.

I slipped on a pair of flip flops, so I wouldn’t have to bend any more than I already had and anger my bruised back, then I grabbed my cell and left my room, quietly closing the door behind me.

As I moved shakily down the stairs I could hear Asher and Kane talking quietly in the kitchen. They’d obviously made coffeebecause I could smell it, and they were definitely talking about me, since I heard Ash say my name, but I didn’t stop to listen. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear what they were saying. Probably that I was messed up and behaving like a spoiled kid.

I slipped through the door off of the entrance hall, that led into the garage and grabbed the keys for Eli’s sports car from the small box at the side. There was also Ash’s Range Rover and two huge SUV’s, but I was pretty sure it would take a lot of seat movement for me to drive any of those monsters, and that would waste time I didn’t have.

I’d never been in Eli’s car before. It was small, black, and sleek looking. I knew nothing about cars, but I was pretty confident I could drive the small car, even if it had been a while since I last drove my heap of junk back home.

It took me a few minutes to get the thing started, since it was a keyless ignition, but when it came to life I stopped panicking so much, even though the engine did sound alarmingly powerful. Muscle memory kicked in as I hit the button on the small remote, clipped to the sun visor, that would open the garage door, and before I knew it I was out of the gates and headed towards the city, already feeling able to breathe a little deeper at the knowledge I would be with Adam soon enough.

I had to be on autopilot as I drove, because I didn’t even register the journey, but suddenly I was in the parking lot of the hospital that I had already awoken in way too many times myself. I hated that the drive was a blur, and I hoped like hell I had driven safely, but the truth was, I honestly had no idea. I wasn’t even sure how I’d gotten there. It wasn’t like I’d ever driven myself there before, but somehow the route had stayed in my head from the times I had been driven there and back.

Thankfully, the parking lot was empty, since it was ridiculously early in the morning, so I parked right beside the main entrance. Shutting off the car I didn’t even stop to take a breath. I just wanted to get to Adam. I needed to see him and know he really was still with me.

I swayed the second I got to my feet outside the car, but I leant heavily against the side, and managed to steady myself some. I was a little lightheaded, that was all. I pushed through the relentless pounding in my head and made myself move forward, at least having the sense to lock Eli’s car behind me.

Once I made it inside, the reception desk was empty, with a shutter pulled down over the glass, obviously not open for the day yet. I tried not to despair as I leaned heavily against the counter and looked around me. The hospital was huge and I had zero idea where Adam was. I thought about calling Jordan, but I had shut off my cell before I left the house, knowing Kane would go ape when he realized I had left, and I dreaded turning it back on again.

The whole area around me was silent and still, not a soul around, so I decided I’d need to head deeper inside and hope someone would help me eventually.

I had barely moved away from the desk when I heard a voice I was longing to hear.

“Addy?” I stopped and turned just enough to see him behind me, running my way. Jordan. He was dressed in black sweatpants and a dark gray hooded sweater. His hair was a little messy and he looked exhausted, but otherwise he was perfect, as always. “Princess, what the hell were you thinking?” he questioned as he reached me and pulled me into his arms. Stood awkwardly, half turned as I was I basically fell against him, but he took my weightas he pressed me against his front tightly. “Kane called me. He’s going out of his fucking mind. Are you alright?”

“No,” I admitted as I pressed my face into the front of his shoulder and held him as tightly as I could, squeezing my arms around his waist. “Jordan,” I whimpered, but that was all I could get out before tears flowed once again. I just couldn’t seem to hold it back. I was so relieved to see him, and to feel his strength around me. I let the last vestiges of my control go, knowing he’d be there to keep me safe.

“Hey. I’m here, okay? I’ve got you.” He held me for several moments as I allowed just a small part of myself to crumble. By the time I got a handle on my sobs and pulled some much needed air in, I was a mess.