Page 28 of Forever Found
“He’s in the gym again?” Eli questioned when I didn’t say anything.
“Ever since he stalked in here to grab some water from the refrigerator just after nine,” I sighed.
“He’s working too hard. The doctor didn’t even okay him for exercise yet.”
“I know,” I nodded. “Good luck telling him that though.”
“I’ll try to talk with him again later,” Eli said, and again I wished him luck, but this time in my head, knowing it would be a waste of time anyway. Adam was angry and volatile. Talking to him only ever ended with him yelling and storming off. I knew. I’d tried.
“Where’s Ash?” I asked, desperate to change the subject.
“On a call with the attorney. The sale of the business has been finalized. Everything Joseph Lyle ever built has been taken apart and sold off now,” Eli explained with unmasked relief.
“You’re free of him.”
“We all are,” Eli agreed. “So, how about some lunch? I can make grilled cheese again, or we have some cans of soup?”
“I’m not hungry,” I told him.
“You never are any more,” he uttered, but he didn’t let the smile slip from his face. “How about we order in? Do you like Thai food, or we could get pizza?”
“Get whatever you guys want. I’m okay for now.” I got to my feet and slid the chair I’d used back under the table. “I’m gonna take this upstairs and keep looking at the courses,” I added as I closed my laptop and scooped it up.
“Addy, wait!” Eli called after me, so I paused and turned to face him again. Even though I knew and dreaded what was coming.
“I’m worried about you, shortcake. I’m this close to drowning myself to get you to talk to me,” he said as he held his index finger and thumb just a fraction apart to illustrate.
“Like you’d ever drown,” I scoffed.
“Please Addy. We’re all worried about you. I’m losing you and that terrifies me. I need you. We all do,” he pleaded as he walked right over to me and wrapped me in his arms. I instantly sank into the hug, never able to turn down the arms of my brothers or my guys when they offered them to me. It was the only time I felt calm lately – when Eli, Ash, or Jordan hugged me. Kane had stopped almost all affection between us except for the odd peck on my forehead, and Adam never even came close enough to me for us to touch. I missed them both so much. My heart was breaking at the very real possibility I had lost them both, but the only one to blame for that happening was me, and the mess I had caused.
“I’m okay, Eli. Nothing to worry about here,” I said as steadily as I could. Being in his arms made me glassy eyed but I refused to let him see that and start worrying more. He had been through enough.
“Addy, I’m here for you. You can talk to me. Whatever you say can stay between us if that’s what you want.”
“I know that,” I assured him as I pulled myself from his arms and stepped back, gathering myself as discreetly as possible. “I’m fine though. Just worried about Adam.” It wasn’t a total lie. I definitely was worried about Adam.
“Fine. I’ll just have to try and drown myself then,” he sighed as he returned to the kitchen.
“Please don’t drown yourself. It won’t help you, since I’m never ever in the pool room anyway,” I laughed half-heartedly. “I better go. I’ll be in my room.” I barely got the words out before I was darting for the stairs to escape Eli. I hated keeping things from him, but I wouldn’t even know where to start with my issues, and even if I could, what could he really do about any of it? What could anyone do? I was sinking into the darkness that had filled me over the years and I didn’t even know if I wanted to be pulled out this time.
I shut myself in my room and dumped my laptop on the dressing table. I had woken that morning determined to do something positive, desperate to sort myself out. That was why I had started looking at college classes. I had thought it would be something that would get me excited and looking forward.
I had loved college the first time around. But as soon as I started looking on the college website, I started drowning in doubt that I could ever truly face walking into a class of strangers on a regular basis. There would be crowded hallways and noisy groups of people, and all of it terrified me. I knew too much now. I knew what a terrifying place the world could be, and the monsters that lurked in plain sight beneath warm smiles andfancy suits. Entering back into that unknown alone was more than I could deal with and I had already given in.
I lay back on my bed with a deep sigh. What was I even doing, I asked myself. I was lost and I wasn’t even calling out to anyone to come find me. Worse than that, I wasn’t even trying to find a way out myself. It was like I was curled up in the middle of a huge forest with no idea how to get back to where I began, and every time anyone came by me to try and help me find the way home, I lied and told them I wasn’t lost at all. I was a disaster. My own thoughts scared me if I let them run too freely and I didn’t even know what I wanted to happen next, just that I needed something to happen.
My cell started vibrating on the nightstand, so I rolled over and looked at the screen. I had left it there and gone to the kitchen to escape Kane’s constant calls. The vibrating stopped, but I didn’t even have time to complete my sigh of relief before it was ringing again.
I groaned loudly as I leaned over to grab the thing. Kane would be pissed I hadn’t been answering, since he told me when he left to meet his sister that morning, that I was to keep my phone on me at all times and answer it immediately if he called.
“Addy? Where the fuck are you? Why didn’t you answer my calls?” he demanded.
“Hello to you too.”
“Spare me your sarcasm. Where are you?” he barked.
“I’m home, where you left me not ninety minutes ago. What’s wrong with you?” I didn’t usually snap at him, but I was tired and short tempered, not to mention emotional.