Page 34 of Forever Found
“I did. That tub is awesome. How are you doing?” I asked as I rounded the sofa and flopped down beside him.
“Good, actually,” he answered. “It’s good being back here. Even though the décor has changed, it still feels as peaceful and safe as it did when we came here as kids. We should have come sooner.”
“You’re here now. It really is the most amazing place.” I lifted my head and glanced out of the huge picture window that overlooked the lake. It was a view in a million and I felt honored to be there.
“It is. Is it helping you? Can you breathe yet?” he asked, referring to the melt down I had back at the house earlier.
“Yes. I think so, anyway. My head feels clearer than it has for some time,” I replied honestly. “Where’s Ash?”
“I’m in here, sweetheart,” Ash appeared from the kitchen, wiping his hands on a dishtowel. “Thought I’d make us something to eat. Are you hungry?”
“Not really.”
“You need to eat, Addy. You’ve lost too much weight these last few weeks,” Eli scolded gently.
I looked down at myself, knowing Eli was right. In just a few weeks I had lost almost all of the weight I had put on since escaping Hilton, and any clothing I pulled on just seemed to hang from me, but with my anxiety, flashbacks, nightmares and everything with Adam and Kane, I had been unable to settle my stomach long enough to eat more than the bare minimum required to keep me moving.
“I know,” I admitted with a stiff nod. “I just…my anxiety…it has my stomach in knots.”
“Have you spoken with your therapist about it? Told her you can’t eat?” Ash asked knowingly. He always seemed to know everything.
“Not exactly,” I hedged.
“Have you told her anything, Addy? I know you’ve been taking the video calls with her, but I haven’t heard much talking going on when I’ve passed?”
“I…I try, but…” I didn’t even know how to explain that there was just too much going on in my crazy mind to even know where to begin opening up with my therapist. She had started to help mebefore Eli and I were taken, but ever since, I had pretty much just shut down in a bid to protect myself.
I was terrified if I opened the floodgates and started talking through everything haunting my every thought, I’d never be able to stop and I’d fall apart for good. I looked up and met Asher’s eyes.
“I just…I need some time. I’m not ready to…to open those floodgates again,” I tried to explain.
“I understand, but you can’t go on like this. You’re slipping away from all of us, and I am not going to let that happen. We’re not,” Asher said as he looked to Eli, who nodded his agreement.
“Come on, let’s see if anything Ash made is actually edible,” Eli joked as he got to his feet and held out his hand. I took it and he pulled me up, then we headed through to the kitchen.
Asher had actually made a pretty good attempt at preparing us all a late lunch. He’d made sandwiches, heated up some tinned tomato soup, and laid out some pre-prepared fruit and cupcakes. Neither of them were complaining as they shoveled it all down anyway. I managed some soup and a chocolate cupcake, mainly in an attempt to redirect the worried glances both of my brothers were sending to me every few moments.
“Any idea what you want to do, sweetheart? We can stay here if you like, or I could arrange the jet to take us out of the country for a vacation if you’d prefer that. I want you to take the time and space you need,” Asher told me as we were finishing up at the dining table.
I looked straight ahead at the view from the sliding glass doors. They led out to the wraparound porch and below that was a huge deck with snow covered patio chairs, a grill, and a largetable. Planters filled with evergreen plants marked each corner, and beyond a further small clearing were nothing but trees, leading into a dense woodland. I could see the lake off to the left, everything covered with the sparkle of ice or snow. It was beautiful and I was pretty sure I could happily spend the rest of my life there, given the chance. I was sure I could find some peace inside of myself there, hidden away from the world that terrified me, happy in the tranquility and solitude that seemed to surround me. Only I couldn’t. Something would be missing from that life. Three things actually.
“I’d love to stay here for tonight if we can,” I began. “But we’ll have to go back tomorrow. I have to face the guys. Kane is going to be pissed I left, and I don’t want him worrying about me. Jordan won’t even understand why I left.”
“And Adam?” Eli pushed.
“He won’t even notice I left,” I sighed. “Or maybe he will and he’ll be relieved.”
“Why would you think that?” Ash asked.
“I hardly think you need me to explain. Adam can barely even be in the same room with me since the kidnapping and his shooting. I think he’s been pretty clear that he’s done with me.”
“He’s not done with you, shortcake. He loves you. I have no idea why he’s avoiding you, but I have seen the way he watches over you and worries about you when he thinks you’re not looking,” Eli said as he reached out and covered my hand with his.
“Eli’s right. There is definitely something going on with Adam. He’s been avoiding me too. All of us, in fact. I don’t know why, but I can guess that he’s feeling guilt for not saving you and Eli the day you were taken, and he’s struggling to process it all. I’mworried about him, but I know he still loves you, Addy. I have never seen him as happy as he was being with you, before all of this happened.”
“It was my fault, not his. I was the reason those men came to your house. I was the reason he was shot and al…almost died,” I sniffled as tears filled my eyes.
“No, Addy. Don’t say that. Don’t even think it. None of what you have been through since the night you were taken from the side of the road, over two years ago, has been your fault. The only ones to blame for anything that has happened are the monsters who were a part of it, like Kline and our fucking father. No one blames you, sweetie, especially not Adam,” Eli tried to reassure me.