Page 35 of Forever Found
“Eli’s right again. He usually is,” Asher chuckled as he and Eli looked to one another with a smirk. “But right now I don’t want you to worry about Adam, Kane, or Jordan. They’re adults and they need to deal with their own shit. Right now I want you to…actually,we needyou to focus on yourself. I know you care deeply for the guys, and they care about you too, but right now they are failing you. You’re having a hard time, and that’s to be expected, but they’re leaving you to handle it alone and it’s not working, is it?” Asher questioned as he focused his intense gaze on me.
More tears filled my eyes as I knew he was right, and I needed to admit it. I had tried so hard to be strong, or at least to hide it all from the people who had already spent way too much time worrying about me, and I had failed. I was losing the men I loved, and my brothers were clearly stressed and worried about me. Once again I felt like a failure as I shook my head in defeat.
“Not really,” I admitted. “I know it’s stupid, but being taken and seeing Bull again….Max threatening to h-hurt me and Eli…it seems to have made everything worse and I…I can’t stop the mess that’s trapped in my head. I’m trying, but the darkness…it f-feels like it’s winning this time.”
“It’s not winning, sweetheart.” Asher wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into his side for a half hug. “You would never allow that to happen, and nor would we. You’re strong enough to fight this darkness. You know that because you were holding it back before, weren’t you?”
“I guess…most of the time,” I uttered. Before Eli and I were taken I was beginning to learn to fight back the demons in my head and keep the darkness to a minimum. I didn’t always win, but I had been getting stronger and feeling better.
“You were, Addy. What happened, us being taken as we were, it was bound to bring everything right back up again. Add to that the fact you’re barely sleeping or eating, and the stress you have going on with the guys and their own messed up reaction to it all, and it’s no wonder you’re finding it hard to keep going. It amazes me how well you’re doing,” Eli told me as he squeezed the hand he held supportively.
“Can I tell you what I think we should do?” Asher requested and I looked up at him and nodded. I’d happily take his advice if it meant I didn’t have to make any more decisions right then. “I think we should order some groceries and stay here for a few days at least. You seem more relaxed and settled here, and I think it’s a good place for us all to just regroup. You can catch up on sleep without the stress of everything back home and we can just spend some time together. What do you think?”
“I think it sounds perfect, but the guys…” I argued.
“You let me deal with them. Maybe you being away will be the kick up the ass they need to get it together. Kane and Adam have been assholes to you, little dot. They’re the ones who need to make this right, not you.”
“I agree. You haven’t done anything wrong. They’re the ones who messed up,” Eli added.
“I love them,” I admitted.
“I’m sure they love you too, Addy, but it’s time they pull themselves together and prove it. If they can’t do that, then they don’t deserve you.” Asher sounded pissed as he said that, and I knew he was being protective, which was sweet.
“I should at least call them. Jordan hasn’t done anything wrong. He’s just been so busy with the center is all,” I sighed.
“Then call him, sweetheart. We’re not going to stop you from doing anything you need or want to do, but don’t let any of them pressure you into telling them where you are. You came here for some space. It’s okay to allow yourself to have that,” Asher advised and I knew he was right. Maybe I’d be happy to see Jordan, but I simply wasn’t ready to face Kane or Adam after everything. Not yet anyway.
“You’re right,” I nodded. “I want to call Jordan so he knows I’m not upset with him, and to explain why I left, but I…I do need space. I’ll tell him that too, and hopefully he’ll understand.”
“He will, Addy. He’ll just want you to be safe, which you are,” Eli assured me.
“Why don’t you go and call him now? I already added all the numbers to the new phone I picked up for you. Jordan’s number is in there. Put his mind at ease that you’re alright. We’ll cleanup, and after maybe we can take a walk outside, or watch a movie?” Asher suggested.
“That sounds good,” I agreed.
“Take as long as you need. We’re here if you need us,” he told me as he released me from his hold and started gathering up plates.
“Thank you,” I began as I looked between my brothers. “for bringing me here, and for understanding me, even if I am crazy.”
“You’re not crazy, shortcake,” Eli told me with a gentle smile. “And you never have to thank us for being here for you. We’ll always do that for you, no matter what.”
“I’m always here for you guys too. I hope you know that?”
“We do sweetheart,” Asher replied with a smile ana look that told me he meant it.
CHAPTER 13
JORDAN
I jumped out of my jeep and ran up the front steps of the house, trying not to look down at the step at the top that sent me spiraling back into images of my brother bleeding out and way too close to death, every time I walked past it.
“Addy?” I yelled as I stormed into the house and straight into the family room.
I’d been doing interviews with people from the veteran charity, which Asher had connected me with, all day. I had some good potential candidates, but I wanted to go through their information with Addy to get her opinion on them before I made final decisions. That had been my plan – to get home and spend some time with my girl – when I finally got out of the last meeting a half hour ago.
I had been spending too much time at the center, crazy busy trying to get it all ready to open in a matter of weeks, and I had neglected Addy as a result. She had been with me at the center on and off, but I usually ended up sending her home with Kane. She was exhausted all of the time and her heart just didn’t seem to be in anything she was doing. She had been that way since we got her back, distant and not herself at all. It worried me, but whenever I tried to talk to her about it, she shut me down rightaway, and just looked even more broken that I’d even brought it up.
With Adam being a complete ass and ignoring her, and Kane obsessed with her location and movements at every second of every day, I had decided she needed some levity from me, and had tried to just be myself with her, even though I was worried sick about her.