Page 36 of Forever Found
Then I get out of my last interview and turn my cell on to find ten texts from Kane asking me where Addy is, and telling me to get home right away. I had missed calls too, from him and my brother, but when I tried to call them back, I got no fucking answer! I was pretty sure I had broken every traffic law going to get back home and find out what the hell was going on, and most importantly, where Addy was.
“ADDY?” I yelled again as I jogged to the kitchen. I paused when I walked in and found Adam sat on the floor, his back pressed to the cabinets and his head in his hands, and Kane sat at the counter, frantically typing on his laptop.
“What’s going on?” I asked in panic when neither of them looked up at me. “Where’s Addy?”
“Gone,” Adam muttered, not even looking up at me.
“What? What the fuck are you talking about?”
“She stormed off like a petulant child this morning. Left her fucking phone in her room!” Kane snapped as he lifted his head and sent me a glare.
“What did you do now, asshole?” I hissed, knowing it had to be Kane that had upset her. Adam had barely said two words to her since he left the hospital, not that his behavior hadn’t been hurting her too.
“My fucking job!” Kane threw back as he rose to his full height. He was clearly pissed, but I saw the worry and panic all over his face too. He had fucked up and he knew it. Hell, we all had. I might not have treated her the way Kane had been, or ignored her like my brother, but I hadn’t been there for her when it was obvious she needed someone.
“You’re her boyfriend! Your job is to love her and make her feel safe! Not to bark orders at her, and make her feel so smothered in your protective bullshit that she can barely fucking breathe!” I raged, knowing that would be what he’d done. It was exactly what he had been doing for weeks now, and no matter what I said to him about backing off, he wouldn’t. “Do we have any idea where she is? Is she alone?” I asked more calmly, knowing the priority had to be making sure Addy was safe. The threat against her should be gone with Kline and most of the operation he and Joseph ran, shut down, but that wasn’t a risk I wanted to take. Not if Addy was out there alone.
“She’s with Asher and Eli. I spoke with Asher but he wouldn’t tell me where they were and he’s shut off his fucking phone. Eli left his here too. Fucking irresponsible assholes!” Kane grumbled as he got back to slamming the buttons on his laptop angrily.
“She’s with Ash and Eli?” I repeated, relief flooding me.
“She doesn’t want to see us. Ash told us to stay away,” Adam told me as he finally raised his head and met my eyes. He was pale and looked exhausted. The fear that had been plaguing me for days rushed through me and made my heart pound hard. The fear that the pain of his injury and the stress of his ridiculous guilt over what happened to Eli and Addy, had pushed him back to old habits.
“Well there’s no surprise there, is there?” I laughed bitterly as I folded my arms and glared between them. “I’d have fucking run off and hidden if I could too, the way the two of you have been behaving.”
“Why can’t anyone understand that I’m trying to protect her? She was kidnapped and could have been fucking killed! Do you even realize that? Those assholes could have raped her repeatedly, for hours, then murdered and buried her, twice over in the time it took us to get to her!” Kane roared as he shoved his laptop from the counter, smashing it to the floor.
“Don’t you fucking dare!” I spat as I moved across the kitchen at speed and had him by the collar of his leather jacket in a split second. “Of course I fucking know that, you dick! You think I wasn’t fucking terrified we’d lose her? You think I’m still not! I love her! I’d never survive losing her, so fuck you Kane! You’re not the only one who is losing his fucking mind after what happened!” I shoved him back so hard he barely stayed on his feet. I wanted to smash my fist into his face, but I forced myself to hold back, knowing it would upset Addy if she came back to the three of us beaten black and blue by each other. “I get it, but you have to see how much she’s hurting too. You have to realise the last thing she needs is you being a controlling bastard. She’s barely keeping her head above water as it is, and every time you yell at her, or make her feel small, you’re pushing her further down, Kane. You’re fucking drowning her when she needs you to pull her up!”
“And I suppose you’ve been the perfect boyfriend in all of this?” he hissed as he glared at me.
“No. I fucked up too. I knew she needed me and I wasn’t here for her like I should have been. I was so wrapped up in the center, and terrified of doing anything to make her struggle worse, that Istepped back, when I should have been at her side every fucking second that she needed me to be,” I confessed.
“It’s not your fault, Jord,” Adam said as he rose to his feet and leaned back against the counter, crossing his ankles, and not once looking up at us.
“It is!” I countered. “It’s my fault, his fault, and your fucking fault, Adam! What the fuck is going on with you? Are you using drugs again?”
“What?” Adam looked up then, meeting my eyes head on.
“Just tell me the truth. Are you using?” I demanded.
“No! Of course not. Why would you think…”
“You checked out, Ad!” I yelled, cutting him off. “Asher thinks your using too. You cut us all off – me, Ash, Eli, Kane, and even Addy. Have you even said more than two words to her in the last fortnight?”
“She’s better off without me,” he sighed as he dropped his gaze to the floor again.
“Fuck you, Adam!” I threw back. “I’m so sick of living with you and your ill placed fucking guilt. You let it ruin not just your life, but years of mine after mom and dad died. Now you’re doing it again and I’m not sticking around to let it happen this fucking time!”
“Jordan…” he began as he looked up to me sadly and clearly shocked.
“No, Adam! You left me. Our parents died and I needed you more than ever, and you fucking left me because you felt guilty! It was a car accident! It wasn’t your fault, but you chose to believe that, and turn to drugs over being there when I neededyou!” I was breathing hard as I raged at my brother, hurling out truths I had spared him for years and years. “Now you’re going to lose the woman you love because you’re doing it all over again, and I won’t let you drag me down too. You need to drown in guilt, then on you go, brother. I can’t stand by and watch this time, and I will not allow you to take the woman I love from me because of it!” I turned and started to storm from the room, but I paused before exiting and half turned to look between the two of them. “You need to sort yourselves out because when Addy comes back, I’ll do whatever it takes to care for her, even if that means getting her away from you assholes and your messed up, selfish issues.”
***
I was laid on my bed, and had been for the past hour. I hated that I didn’t know where Addy was, and that I couldn’t reach out to her, but she was with her brothers so I at least knew she was safe. I had tried to call and text Ash, but Kane was right – he’d shut his phone off, and I didn’t blame him if Kane had spoken to him the way he had been speaking to me downstairs.
I needed to do something and I knew it. I could go back to the center and unpack the sports equipment that had been delivered the day before, but being there just made me think of Addy. It was as much hers as it was mine now. She had been a huge part of setting it up, and designing the space with me. It was as much her baby as it was mine and I wanted her there with me for the finishing touches I knew she would take pleasure in doing.